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"In a town as sunny as San Diego, only the shady survive."

Somewhere in a San Diego Starbucks, someone is penning a future Ace Award-winning screenplay. The reflection of the computer screen bouncing in their bifocals can be seen as far as the cream and sugar station as s/he feverishly pecks away at a script that strips bare the Bob Filner scandal in three acts with room for commercial breaks.

Phooey on The Lifetime Channel and it's small screen siblings. This time it's big screen, or no screen. I for one am sick and tired of the pounding America's Finest City has taken after decades of living in Hollywood's shadow. When they do finally come around to remembering their neighboring paradise, what kind of a bone do the studios throw our way? Anchorman, Will Ferrell's one-man retarding device.

What would you rather be known for, San Diego: a horny meeskit of a mayor or a haphazardly spliced together array of bloated SNL skits? Bob Filner's jaw-dropping chutzpah would make Ron Burgundy gag. Stay classless, San Diego!

While most Hollywood bigwigs spent the weekend poolside, I sat inside my decaying tin shack, aloof, seldom visited, never photographed, doing their work for them. Filner provided scenarists with an abundance of material to sift through, but in this instance casting is everything. If you can't overpower audiences with originality, mollify them with movie stars.

I can almost see the box photos of the superstar cast lining the bottom of the one-sheet!

Mayor Pat Tush

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/26/52089/

Donna Frye and the Messengers

The Legal Eagles

The Former First Lady

The Press Secretary

The Accusers

Lying in Wait

Craft Services

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Comments

Colonna Aug. 26, 2013 @ 12:18 p.m.

The bust of Bob Hope will be played by the bust of Bob Hope.

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Scott Marks Aug. 26, 2013 @ 2:01 p.m.

If anyone can identify with the plight of these women it's Dolores.

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shirleyberan Aug. 28, 2013 @ 10:26 a.m.

3 more victims of the San Diego Filnergate scandal have come forward. Mrs. Doubtfire, Tootsie and Mrs.Edna Turnblad. Turnblad is quoted as saying "Touch me again, and I'll drown you, you bastard".

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shirleyberan Aug. 28, 2013 @ 10:38 a.m.

Correction, that quote was said by Mrs. Doubtfire and we apologize for the mistake.

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Scott Marks Aug. 28, 2013 @ 2:26 p.m.

Congratulations! You've referenced a film I've never seen!

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enzo Sept. 7, 2013 @ 1:39 p.m.

Selena Gomez as Peggy Shannon would not work in this situation. If she was not already six feet under I think Shelley Winters would be more appropriate for Peggy Shannon.

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