Jeff Smith 2 p.m., Dec. 18
James Bond, still a pig
I mean, it's one thing to enjoy Bond's piggishness; it's another to deny it.
Remember when James Bond converted lesbian Pussy Galore to Team Peen by tossing her around a hayloft?
Ooh, sexist. (I can't get over the hilarious violins.) But that was then, and this is now, at least, according to Yael Kohen over at New York:
Which brings us to Craig, the absolute best of all the Bonds, who so easily combines ruggedness and sophistication with a psychological and emotional life. In Casino Royale, we hold our breath when Vesper Lynd reads right through his game: “MI6 looks for maladjusted young men that give little thought to sacrificing others to protect queen and country,” she says. “It wouldn’t be a stretch to imagine you think of women as disposable pleasures rather than meaningful pursuits.” It’s clear that Bond has met his match.
It is? I thought it was clear that Bond's screenwriters had gone meta in their attempt to keep a creaking franchise relevant. My bad. By the end of the film, writes Kohen, "Bond’s transformation from rape-ready rogue to wounded and woman-weary tough guy is complete."
Hee hee! Kohen must have been surprised by Craig's portrayal of Bond in Skyfall. [Spoilers!] First, he lets the fellow agent who shot him make it up to him in the bedroom. Then he moves on to the bad guy's exotic mistress, and things get nasty. He gains her trust by recognizing a tattoo on her arm: she's a sex slave, and possibly, has been one for a very long time. He expresses sympathy; she asks if he can kill her master. That's what he's had in mind all along.
But first, howzabout I slip into your shower while you're not looking and then we have a little sex? I mean, you're a sex slave, right? It's what you do, sex. I figure that if I'm going to save you from a life of sex slavery, I should at least get a little sex out of the deal, don't you?
I'm not the only one who's noticed this, I know. And sure, James Bond is the type of guy who wouldn't think twice about banging a sex slave. But don't let's us pretend that he's gone and evolved into a nice guy who regards women as equals. I won't give away the fate of that fellow agent he seduces, but let's just say it's one short step shy of barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.