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The Three Stooges finally screens tomorrow night. Even though the Farrelly Bros. have yet to once make me laugh, for reasons made obvious when first I encountered the boys at the tender age of three, I haven't craved a film this badly since Hugo.

My review will post Wednesday morning and as one might expect, I spent the weekend (and the majority of my life) doing research. A torrent of flop-sweat drenched my hoodie when the MPAA awarded the film a PG rating. What's the idea? Don't tell me 20th Century Fox is pitching this to children. That had better not be the case, I'm warning you.

There have been two recent developments that indicate the film is being pitched to undeveloped minds of all ages. The advance screening takes place on a weeknight as opposed to Saturday morning at 10 a.m., a slot generally reserved for kidpics. A new TV spot encourages wives and girlfriends to stay home and soak in a hot tub while their (pri)mates hulk over to the nearest multiplex to check out the flick.

After repeated viewings of the trailer, the casting of Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe, Sean Hayes as Larry, and Will Sasson as Curly more than meets with my approval.

But what is to become of the supporting cast, the "Stooge People," if you will? The majority of the actresses who appear in Three Stooges shorts are nicknamed Tiny because they're anything but. It's one thing to cast Sofia Vergara as Charo in The Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon: The Movie, but as a Stooge Woman?!

It's obviously too late to make a difference in the reboot which opens in wide-release on Friday. Just in case this becomes a franchise, here are a few casting suggestions for future sequels.

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Comments

Valerie Scher April 9, 2012 @ 1:47 p.m.

A sequel to the new "Stooges" movie is inevitable, given these casting suggestions!

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Matthew Lickona April 9, 2012 @ 2:51 p.m.

This is a labor of terrifying, unspeakable love.

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Colonna April 9, 2012 @ 3:43 p.m.

So Sean Penn didn't walk away from the project at all... that'll show Benicio Del Toro and Jim Carrey!

Inspired casting choices - Harrison Ford's best role of his career!

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Scott Marks April 9, 2012 @ 6:25 p.m.

I tried working with your Joe Palma/Pedro Almodovar suggestion, but try as I might, the connection didn't click. In hindsight, Joe Palma has a young Carl Reiner going.

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And there's something about Mary Ainslee.

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Colonna April 9, 2012 @ 7:35 p.m.

I hate to ask but... who would you select to portray Dudley Dickerson?

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