7:33 a.m., Sept. 2
Megadeth's Dave Mustaine dies in "errant" drone attack mishap.
Fallbrook-Based Rocker Escaped President's "Moral Quarantine" on San Diego in Wake of Aurora Shooting, But Was Unable to Elude Obama's Notorious "Oopsie" Drones
Prez Sez: "Of course it was a mistake. Why would we send drones to attack Singapore? Mr. Mustaine was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's a tragic day for fans of rusty metal bands everywhere."
CHARRED REMAINS OF A 100-SEAT "HARD ROCK CONCERT VENUE," SINGAPORE - Dave Mustaine, the hard-rocking founding guitarist for Metallica and founder of hard-rocking hard rock band Megadeth, died today while performing his new song, "Obama Bomb," a scathing political attack on the man Mustaine recently accused of staging the Aurora and Wisconsin shootings in an effort to gain support for draconian gun-control laws.
Several of the more than 25 fans who attended Mr. Mustaine's farewell concert recall that Mustaine had just finished screeching the song's chorus of, "Don't bomb us/ O-bam-us/ Truth will be revealed/ Before the blood has been congealed/ Your will is relentless/ To leave us defenseless/ But we'll elect Romney/ And then he will bomb thee/ OBAMABOMB!" He was about to launch into a face-shredding guitar solo when a General Atomics Three Stooges Drone, commonly referred to as "Oopsie" because of its tendency to take out innocent civilians along with legitimate military targets, swooped in low over the stage and "accidentally" dropped a primed X-22 "Firecracker" rocket directly into Mustaine's flowing, luxurious head of hair.
"It was awesome," said one possibly traumatized fan. "Mustaine's head exploded, like that one dude in Scanners. I hope someone got video. What a way to go. So metal."
Reached for comment, the Department of Defense said that no inquiry was planned into the mishap. Said a spokesman, "While we mourn the loss of a talent as legit as Mustaine's as much as the next angry white man, he had to know the risks of leaving the San Diego area after the President declared a quarantine on crackpots leaving the region. However, we must stress that this was nothing more than an accidental tragedy."
More like this:
- Dave Mustaine Accuses Prez Obama of Staging Theater & Temple Shootings — Aug. 20, 2012
- Bug or Feature? — April 17, 2012
- Man Arrested After Requesting DJ to Play Megadeth Song — Sept. 3, 2011
- Megaproblems — Sept. 15, 2005
- Mega-Conscience — May 26, 2005