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My dog, Bliss, is having a mid-life crisis. She wants to try new things and live life to the fullest. Lately, she's gotten so good at escaping from the backyard, I don't even know how she does it. There are no holes to fill in, no fences to mend. I think she's using her angel's wings to simply glide over the six-foot fence.
So far, she's flown the coop while the neighbors behind us aren't home. I know this because I haven't heard the screams I'd expect when a 60-pound rocket falls from the sky and lands in the driveway. From past experience, I know that the couple living behind us would take offense to having a dog on their personal property. Don't I know about the leash law? Haven't I heard of property lines? Hey, I'm not the one who jumped the fence, lady. Tell it to my dog.
Last year, while Bliss was in her hole-digging faze, the lady, who looks like Judge Judy, appeared on my doorstep. She gave me a rundown of all of Bliss' offenses while on the run. I think the worst was that Bliss squatted on her decorative rock. I was busy chomping on some delicious BBQ sunflower seeds and couldn't be bothered. I slammed my front door in her face.
"Next time, I won't try returning her," the lady called out from behind the closed door. "I'll just take her to the pound."
I opened the door and hissed, "Why don't you? I work there."
Having Bliss around hasn't been all bad, but I decided that my next dog wouldn't have an I.Q. higher than mine. Enter Sheldon, a sweet, floppy, one-year-old, dumb as dirt. Sheldon is so stupid, he'll eat anything whether it's food or not. He's got the blue flecks and pieces of cloth in his stool to prove it.
The other night, I heard him chewing on something for several minutes. I looked up from my computer to see a foot-long piece of ribbon hanging from his mouth. A cardboard spool was attached to the end of it. I got up and started to pull the ribbon out, hand over hand, as if Sheldon was an animal-shaped tape dispenser. When I was through, I was holding about two feet of wet ribbon. I wonder if he worried about having that thing come out of his other end.
Sheldon is too dumb to make it out of the yard on his own, but he's got Bliss to help him. Thankfully, he came from the shelter and knows what happens to dogs who stray. I always find him waiting for me on the back porch when the two have broken out. But I got Bliss as a pup and she is totally oblivious to prison life. She makes it all the way out of Mountain Shadows Mobile Home Park and onto Citracado Parkway, which is quite a feat considering we live way up toward the back. I've had visitors that couldn't negotiate their way through the maze of dead-end streets to get to the exit. Maybe Superdog, who is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, should have led the way.
I've noticed that Bliss is looking a bit long in the tooth. She's lost some body weight and her coat looks like it has been through the dryer. In a few short years, Bliss will be gone and it will be time to make a decision about a new one. Smart dogs, dumb dogs. They all drive me nuts. I think next time, I'll get a parakeet.
My dog, Bliss, is having a mid-life crisis. She wants to try new things and live life to the fullest. Lately, she's gotten so good at escaping from the backyard, I don't even know how she does it. There are no holes to fill in, no fences to mend. I think she's using her angel's wings to simply glide over the six-foot fence.
So far, she's flown the coop while the neighbors behind us aren't home. I know this because I haven't heard the screams I'd expect when a 60-pound rocket falls from the sky and lands in the driveway. From past experience, I know that the couple living behind us would take offense to having a dog on their personal property. Don't I know about the leash law? Haven't I heard of property lines? Hey, I'm not the one who jumped the fence, lady. Tell it to my dog.
Last year, while Bliss was in her hole-digging faze, the lady, who looks like Judge Judy, appeared on my doorstep. She gave me a rundown of all of Bliss' offenses while on the run. I think the worst was that Bliss squatted on her decorative rock. I was busy chomping on some delicious BBQ sunflower seeds and couldn't be bothered. I slammed my front door in her face.
"Next time, I won't try returning her," the lady called out from behind the closed door. "I'll just take her to the pound."
I opened the door and hissed, "Why don't you? I work there."
Having Bliss around hasn't been all bad, but I decided that my next dog wouldn't have an I.Q. higher than mine. Enter Sheldon, a sweet, floppy, one-year-old, dumb as dirt. Sheldon is so stupid, he'll eat anything whether it's food or not. He's got the blue flecks and pieces of cloth in his stool to prove it.
The other night, I heard him chewing on something for several minutes. I looked up from my computer to see a foot-long piece of ribbon hanging from his mouth. A cardboard spool was attached to the end of it. I got up and started to pull the ribbon out, hand over hand, as if Sheldon was an animal-shaped tape dispenser. When I was through, I was holding about two feet of wet ribbon. I wonder if he worried about having that thing come out of his other end.
Sheldon is too dumb to make it out of the yard on his own, but he's got Bliss to help him. Thankfully, he came from the shelter and knows what happens to dogs who stray. I always find him waiting for me on the back porch when the two have broken out. But I got Bliss as a pup and she is totally oblivious to prison life. She makes it all the way out of Mountain Shadows Mobile Home Park and onto Citracado Parkway, which is quite a feat considering we live way up toward the back. I've had visitors that couldn't negotiate their way through the maze of dead-end streets to get to the exit. Maybe Superdog, who is able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, should have led the way.
I've noticed that Bliss is looking a bit long in the tooth. She's lost some body weight and her coat looks like it has been through the dryer. In a few short years, Bliss will be gone and it will be time to make a decision about a new one. Smart dogs, dumb dogs. They all drive me nuts. I think next time, I'll get a parakeet.