Dryw Keltz

Dryw Keltz is a Reader contributor. See staff page for published articles.

Dean Spanos comes clean about punking San Diego

It really doesn't surprise me that it was a joke all along. What does surprise me is that Kroenke actually played along. Fabiani did do a great job at keeping a straight face for sure. I was actually pretty convinced that the team actually wanted to move. It really was a pretty awesome joke. An epic gag, if you will. In the end, it just all proves how much The Chargers love San Diego. Only the bestest of your friends would put so much time and effort into a practical joke. It's all about the love. I know some people don't think paying for a new Chargers stadium is a good idea, but I think it's pretty obvious that if we do get a new stadium, every worker in this city will make an extra $8,500.00 yearly once it opens. It's just simple math. People like to go and watch football and spend money on stuff, and when people spend money on stuff in the area in which you live all the workers annually make an extra $8,500.00. It's a given, and it has been explained in a couple of articles I have read online. Plus, if we don't get a new stadium everyone will stop coming to San Diego, and all the locals who are loyal to the Chargers will follow them to whatever city they will move to. As in, they will literally quit their jobs as doctors, lawyers and nurses and get new jobs in the new city the Chargers call home so they can continue to make their extra $8,500.00 yearly. It's just simple math and economics and, above all, loyalty to a team. The mass exodus of Chargers fans will wreak havoc on San Diego's economy. Residents will not only lose their extra $8,500.00 annual stadium income, they will also experience massive financial aftershocks from a city suddenly devoid of crowds. Traffic accidents will drop 68% due to a sudden lack of rush hour traffic throughout the county. Tow truck businesses and body shops will go out of business overnight. Collisions at once crowded surf breaks will become so rare, that every paramedic in the city will be forced into early retirement, and the lifeguard force will be reduced to two dudes who can swim real good. Rents will drop to unbelievably low rates as rentals suddenly far outnumber the renters, leaving, fair loving landlords in financial ruin throughout the city. In short, thanks the heavens this was only an elaborate practical joke, and if I could write Spanos a check that wouldn't bounce all the way to the bank due to previous, terribly misguided financial decisions (primarily derived from random internet articles) I would do so.
— February 8, 2016 1:50 p.m.

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