Kings of Ads: Sun-kissed flowers make for happy honey in this sweet commercial from 1941.

We’ve all seen compilations of great director’s student films, so why not an anthology that pays tribute to their work as commercial pitchmen and women? Earlier this week while paging through the stacks at Rarefilmm, I happened across two entries titled “King of Ads 001 and 002.” There are instances where a commercial is classier than the show they interrupt as evidenced by the dozens of spots gathered by producer Jean-Marie Boursicot. If you can resist the urge to change the channel, this collection of commercials from some of world cinema’s notable practitioners — Godard, Scorsese, Chabrol, Wenders, Lynch, Fellini, Cronenberg, Coppola, Argento, etc. — is a must for completists and/or curiosity seekers interested in learning what over 100 directors can accomplish in 60 seconds or less. The biggest delight in Part 1 comes not from a filmmaker per se, but Hungarian caricaturist and graphic designer, Felix Kassovitz. Produced art the outset of World War II, his animated advert for honey demands numerous viewings. Below is a listing of the commercials and whatever stats I was able to track down.

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David Cronenberg. Nike Air: Transformation (0:33 - 1:15). Canada, 1991. Ever wonder what lives within the sole of your Nike’s? David Cronenberg does, and after experiencing this “virtual exhibition,” all the charcoal insoles in the world may not be enough to keep you from swearing off sneakers altogether.

Giuseppe Tornatore. Parisienne Cigarettes: Parisienne People (1:16 - 2:13). Canada, 1991. Interior - Cinema: she smokes, he gropes. This brief flirtation with smut turns cancerous when it’s a pack of butts in her lap he’s after. A character on screen bumming a smoke from an audience member is as close to cinema paradiso as this gets.

Tim Burton. Hollywood Chewing Gum: Hollywood Gnome (2:15 - 3:00). France, 1998. It’s “the freshness in life” our animated garden figurine is after. Powering up with a stick of gum, he escapes his backyard confines and hops a garbage truck that will deposit him in the fairy tale glade governed by a live-action Lisa Marie, at the time the director’s main muse. This makes a fine companion to Burton’s 1982 animated short, Vincent.

Luc Besson. Chanel N°5 Parfum: Le Loup (3:02 - 3:33). France, 1998. In Besson’s surreal playground, one drop of Little Red Riding Hood’s (Estella Warren) overpriced Parisian aftershave is enough to keep the Big Bad Wolf at bay.

Ang Lee. Visa: The Soup is Too Salty (3:32 - 5:32) Singapore, 2001. From the man who gave us Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, a subtitled flying-people movie for audiences generally predisposed to hate subtitled flying-people movies, comes the world’s first and only credit card commercial to spoof flying-people movies.

Woody Allen. Coop Supermarkets (5:33 - 6:38). Italy, 1991. The GOAT egg salad recipe in What’s Up, Tiger Lily? and the turkey leg as botched murder weapon in Take the Money and Run were early indicators of what would evolve into Woody Allen’s sidesplittingly unhealthy preoccupation with food, a trait almost as pronounced as the filmmaker’s hoary dependance on psychoanalysis. This commercial for Coop Supermarkets, to this day one of Italy’s 5 largest grocery chains, is so characteristic of its creator that subtitles aren’t necessary. From the security of his analyst’s couch, Leonard Cimino (Sandy Bates’s shrink with the cadavernous mien in Stardust Memories), recounts a lived-in family dinner table, populated by distant Italian relatives of Alvy Singer’s high-spirited clan or young Joe’s mishpachah putting on the feedbag in Radio Days. Allen took home $2 million for five adverts meant to extol the virtues of eating healthy. This 60-second spot begins with mamma bending over papa’s shoulder to clear the table. Rather than follow his wife to the bedroom for il rapporti sessuali, he watched as she went down the cellar stairs. Her breasts triggered desirous thoughts of caressable red delicious apples, the kind mamma brought home in her shopping bag.

Alex Proyas, Wong Kar Wai, Glen Goei, Ivan Zacharias, Wim Wenders, Roy Andersson, Frederic Planchon, Mike Figgis, Blanca Li, Spike Lee, and Francis Ford Coppola. JCDecaux (Outdoor Advertising): One Morning All Over the World (6:40 - 8:09). 10 directors were each given 7 seconds to greet the dawn.

Emir Kusturica. IOL (Italiaonline): Open Up, You Bastard (8:10 - 9:11). Italy, 2001. Even Ali Baba has difficulty remembering his password in this hilarious Arabian Nights parody from Serbia’s #1 son.

Wim Wenders. Barilla (9:12 - 10:11). Italy, 2002. Wenders and writer Alessandro Baricco celebrate 175 year of pasta.

Pixar Studios. General Motors: EV1 (10:13 - 11:43). USA, 1999. (segment “EV1 from General Motors commercial”). All of the electrical appliances on the block unplug and take to the streets to greet GM’s first mass-produced electric car.

Roman Polanski. Parisienne Cigarettes: Parisienne People (11:43 - 12:40). Switzerland, 1999. A one-take spoof of the director’s The Fearless Vampire Killers finds an orally-fixated Dracula dying for a drag after putting on the bite.

Francis Ford Coppola & Roman Coppola. Illy Coffee (12:44 - 14:32). Italy, 1999. Coppola’s all over the map with this treacly, mahogany-tinged period romance that runs closer to Life With Zoe than Youth Without Youth.

Tarsem. Campari (14:32 -15:18). Italy, 1998. In which a liqueur manufacturer encourages drinkers to use its product when looking for something to splash in the face of a cheating partner.

Michel Gondry. Polaroid (15:19 - 16:19). England, 1996. The digitally oscillating imagery comes to rest just long enough for an employee to commit career suicide willfully by sending his boss a Polaroid taken in the employee restroom.

Jean Baptiste Mondino. Drakkar Noir (16:20 - 17:23). France, 1994. Rock star slams the passenger door behind him and strips down to the waist as his throng of teenage admirers hump the limo. Whatever they’re selling, it sure as hell isn’t cologne.

Tarsem. Tag Heuer Watches: Success. It’s A Mind Game (17:23 - 18:23). International, 1995. Handing off a stick of dynamite in a sprint relay, a shark at a swim meet, broad jumping over a giant razor blade, etc. If sporting events were this artistically predesigned, one would have no need for cinema. For that matter, we’d still be wearing wristwatches.

Jean Jacques Annaud. Perrier: Mummies (18:24 - 19:09). France, 2000. Party like it’s 1333 BCE when animated mummies crash an Egyptian discotheque. NSFW.

Tony Kaye. Tiscali Net: I Can Be. (19:10 - 20:39). France, 1999. Brides, moonmen, farmers, faces old and young, a skinhead, and many more. It’s tough to make sense of it all without subtitles.

Alain Chabat. MAAF Assurances: Le Cavale (20:41 - 21:11). France, 1999. Bumbling gangsters in a getaway car and in desperate need of insurance.

Jean Pierre Jeunet. BNP: Parlons d’avenir (21:13 - 21:42). France, 1998. Today’s investments could lead to your securing a future in a parallel universe.

Alex Proyas. Nike Air 1980 (21:43 - 22:13). Solar powered sci-fi surrealism from the man who brought you I Robot.

Ridley Scott. Perrier (22:15 - 22:59). France, 1991. Playing tennis in an apocalyptic arena works up a man’s thirst. Ask John McEnroe.

Tarsem. Smirnoff: Message in a Bottle (23:00 - 24:30). Great Britain, 1995. The moral of the story is you won’t find the best life has to offer gazing through a vodka bottle.

Zoltan. Plumstead and Palmer Hargreaves: Skinned (24:32 - 27:14). Great Britain, 1993. Something’s wrong if it takes a pretentious PSA to convince one not to wear dead animals.

Emir Kusturica. Parisienne Cigarettes: Parisienne People (27:17 - 27:50). Switzerland, 1994. Who needs a match when a circus fire-eater will do?

David Lynch. Giorgio Armani’s Giò: Who Is Giò? (27:52 - 28:50). United States, 1992. Who is Giò? Who cares so long as David Lynch is our Fellini-esque tourguide in search of an answer.

Jean Baptiste Mondino. Spontex Sponges (28:51 - 29:22). France, 1984. Iconic fashion photographer Mondino tries his hand at selling sponges in this spoof of prison pictures.

Jacques Audiard. Transilien (29:23 - 30:02). France, 2000. Even skateboarders find train travel safer, more punctual, and more comfortable.

Wong Kar Wai. Xian Tian Wine (30:04 - 31:04). China, 2000. How about a side of style with your wine?

Jacques Audiard. Transilien (31:05 - 31:45). France, 2000. Go Transilien and leave the driving to them.

Bettina Rheims. DIM Bras (31:46 - 32:00). France, 2000. Underwear that’s so light, you’ll think it was painted on.

Martin Campbell. Lego Technic (32:00 - 32:30). England, 1994. Unlock a child’s creativity by turning them into robots.

Bettina Rheims. DIM Boxers (32:30 -32:47). France, 2000. A brief word about boxers.

Michel Gondry. GAP Kids. (32:48 - 33:18). International, 1999. It’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together, especially when there’s New Edition to sample.

Gabriele Salvatores. Lavazza Coffee (32:19 - 33:59). Italy, 1999. God only knows how heavenly Lavazza tastes.

Michel Gondry. GAP. (34:00 - 34:30). International, 1999. It’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride under pressure with Queen.

Martin Campbell. Grolsch Beer. (34:31 - 35:32). England, 1988. When uncorking a bottle could result in thousands of dollars worth of home repair.

Tarsem. Tarallucci Cookies (35:33 - 36:33). Italy, 1994. Is it me, or does Tarsem play better in 60-minute bursts than at feature length?

Martin Campbell. Rothmans Cigarettes. (36:34 - 38:04). England, 1990. What do napping in a hammock, grabbing a smoke, and getting a shave all have in common? Sailing, of course!

Luc Besson. Club Internet: Part One (38:05 - 38:45). France, 2000. Futuristic encounter between police and a roller-blader that got lost in the translation.

Jean Baptiste Mondino. Yves Saint Laurent. (38:46 - 39:42). France, 1991. The ocean, the eau de toilette, and the very naked man.

Luc Besson. Club Internet: Part Two (39:43 - 40:23). France, 2000. Futuristic encounter between a roller-blader and CGI monster that got lost in the translation.

Luc Besson. Club Internet: Part Three (40:24 - 41:04). France, 2000. Futuristic encounter between a roller-blader and a real live girl that got lost in the translation.

Jean Baptiste Mondino. Yves Saint Laurent (41:05 - 42:17). France, 1992. Who needs captioning when Catherine Deneuve is a universal language of the soul?

Giuseppe Tornatore. Diner’s Club (42:18 - 42:18). Italy, 1998. Why is faking your death to get away from your wife so expensive? Because it’s worth it.

Alessandro D’Alatri. Nestea (43:20 -43:49). Italy, 2001. Nestea: the aphrodisiac of iced tea leaves.

Daniele Luchetti. Nestle Maxibon Ice Cream Sandwiches (43:50 - 44:21). Italy, 1999. Your time would be better spent eating ice cream than watching this.

Renzo Martinelli. Infiore Underwear (44:22 - 44:51). Italy, 1995. Attack of the 50 foot brassier.

Maurizio Nichetti. Pandoro Melegatti (44:53 - 45:23). Italy, 1998. A Leone-inspired standoff in the pastry aisle leads to a chance to win a brand new Porsche.

Paolo Virzi’. Pagine Gialle (45:24 - 45:54) Italy, 1999. Paolo Virzi’ for the Yellow Pages. Hey, geniuses have to eat like the rest of us.

Cristina Comencini. Telecom Italia 187 (45:55 - 46:25). Italy, 2000. An embryonic illustration of the chasmic generation gap created by text messaging.

Ricky Tognazzi. Unione Europea: Ministero del Tesoro (46:26 - 46:56). Italy, 2001. Drat! There are never subtitles around when you need them.

Gabriele Muccino.; Nescafé: Caffè Latte (46:57 - 47:28). Italy, 2000. Romance for breakfast.

Fran Ozpetek. BancoPosta (47:29 - 47:58). Italy, 2001. Helping teens discover the importance of the postal service and how to use it.

Jean Baptiste Mondino. Jean Paul Gaultier #1 (47:49 - 48:43). France, 1995. Perfume marketed in a bottle almost as iconic as Coca-Cola’s contour fluted container.

Alain Chabat. Orangina Soda #1 (48:43 - 49:28). France, 1996. The blood orange hobgoblin clad in spiked bottlecap and sporting chainsaw appendages is as annoying an advertising mascot as any conceived.

Felix Kassovitz. Honigland: Home of the Hungarian Honeybee (49:29 - 51:45). Hungary, 1941. We have a winner! Flowers literally kissed by the sun and bees allergic to pollen are but two highlights of this 136-second animated rendering of the food supply chain at the dawn of World War II. And wait until you see the live action kids wolf down the viscous bee nectar.

Alain Chabat. Orangina Soda #2 (51:46 - 52:05). France, 1996. (51:46 - 52:06). It’s back!

Jean Pierre Mocky. Paris Magazine #1 (52:06 - 52:22). France, 1987. Even with the benefit of subtitles this tale of a tabloid would lose something in the translation.

Jean Baptiste Mondino. Jean Paul Gaultier #2 (52:23 - 53:06). France, 1995. The adventure continues.

Jean Pierre Mocky. Paris Magazine #2 (53:06 - 53:24). France, 1997. See above.

Étienne Chatiliez. Le Trèfle Parfumé (53:25 - 53:54), France, 1987. There’s a reason perfumed toilet paper flopped.

Bruno Aveillan. Brut by Fabergé (53:55 -54:26). France, 1999. One drop of Brut can deodorize a skunk which makes this 30-second spot smell twice as sweet.

Michel Hazanavicius. Air Liberte (54:26 -55:06). France, 1999. Watch what happens when a flight attendant works off script.

Alain Chabat. Orangina Soda #3 (55:07 - 55:38). France, 1996. Better a spiky lemon advertising mascot trapped inside a pinball machine than a blood orange pest.

Jan Kounen. Toyota Yaris (55:39 - 56:18). France, 2001. Mad Max meets the Road Runner in this laugh-out-loud car advert.

Jan Kounen. Smirnoff (56:20 - 57:30). International, 1997. How is one supposed to drink responsibly when violence is a prime selling tool?

Michel Hazanavicius. Air Liberte (57:31 - 57:54). France, 1999. How to deal with class warfare when boarding.

Quentin Dupieux. Levi’s Sta-Prest Jeans (57:55 - 58:25). England, 1999. Who needs an antron fleece mascot when denim is persistently durable?

Étienne Chatiliez. Freetime Longburger Restaurant (58:26 - 59:18). France, 1988. Want to know how fast food chains can save hundreds of thousands of dollars each year? Relax the condiments. Try putting some hamburger on my ketchup. Freetime Longburger had it figured out ages ago.

Bruno Aveillan. CNP Assurances (59:19 - 1:00: 09). France, 1993. Fascinating for its early use of CGI to tell a story in one take.

Tony Scott. Marlboro Cigarettes (1:00:10 - 1:00:09). England, 1996. Before making the transition to the big screen, Tony Scott broke his bones directing commercials and it shows in every one of his features.

​​Alain Chabat. Orangina Soda #3 (1:01:10 - 1:01:39). France, 1996. This time, two spiky lemon advertising mascots hop an amusement park thrill ride.

Quentin Dupieux. Levi’s Sta-Prest Jeans (1:01:40 - 1:02:12). England, 1999. Who dry cleans denim?

Jean Baptiste Mondino. Jean Paul Gaultier #3 (1:02:12 - 1:02:51). France, 1997. Not even the ornate production design can distract from the art of Parisian tongue-hockey.

David Lynch. Parisienne Cigarettes (1:02:52- 1:03:51) Switzerland, 1998. Moving forward in reverse, Lynch does Nolan’s Memento one better.

Tarsem. Pepsi-Cola (1:03:52 - 1:04:53). International, 2001. Patience, Young Grasshopper. You are well paid. The work is easy. What’s a little tooth decay?

Spike Jonze. Nike (1:04:53 - 1:05:52) International, 2000. Jogging through armageddon, or what if Y2K turned out like everyone feared?

Quentin Dupieux. Levi’s Sta-Prest Jeans x 2 (1:05:52 - 1:06:35). England, 1999. For bluejeans you can cut butter with.

Matthieu Kassovitz. Lancome for Men (1:06:36 - 1:07:00). France, 2002. Catch the fragrance.

Tarsem. Smirnoff (1:07:00 - 1:08:00). South Africa, 1998. My guess is they were smashed during pre-production.

Eric Zonka. Nestle (1:08:01 - 1:08:31). France, 2001. It’s amazing what a kid can do with a hot bowl of caffeine to start the day.

Chris Noonan. Milka Chocolate (1:08:32 - 1:09:02). France, 1998. For chocolate untouched by human hands.

Jean-Luc Godard. Parisienne Cigarettes (1:09:03 - 1:09:35). Switzerland, 1991. Leave it to Godard to direct a cigarette commercial in which no one lights up.

Jean Paul Goude. Chanel (1:09:36 - 1:10:09). France, 1990. A romance with Chanel becomes a slamming-door farce.

Tarsem. Lee Basic Jeans (1:10:09 - 1:11:04). USA, 1993. “Look like a model. Don’t think like one.” And keep your shirt off at all times, stupid!

David Lynch. Barilla (1:11:05 - 1:11:58). France, 1994. Accused rapist Gerard Depardieu comes to the rescue of a fallen bicyclist by whipping up a pasta dish for the young girl. Today we call it grooming.

Spike Lee. Nike Air (1:11:58 - 1:12:22) International, 1988. One slow-motion slam. One slow-motion dunk. The easiest money Spike ever made.

Tarsem. MTV (1:12:23 - 1:13:53). United States, 1993. Using Mussolini to sell music videos. Genius!

Part 2 next week.