Dear People Who Hover Outside of Grocery Stores With Clipboards,
I hate you. I hate that you pester me with your bid to save medical marijuana, or your campaign to “change city hall.” No, I don’t have a “minute for the environment.” Yes, I’m already registered. No, I’m not going to sign, and there’s no way in Hell I’m ever giving money to some random with a logo. My purse is on my back, my arms are full, my keys are out. I am avoiding your eyes because your very presence in my path, added to your searching gaze to catch my attention and make your plea, bug the ever living shit out of me, and I fear that if I am to make eye contact, I will not be able to control my mouth. I’m exiting a store with a bunch of bags, so clearly I have just loaded up on stuff that goes in my kitchen, which means I am on my way home, en route to my sanctuary, and the last thing I’m in the mood for is your badgering. Go. Away.