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When it was time to leave, I pondered my perspective on guns. The shooting range was kind of like a bowling alley, only instead of throwing a big urethane ball toward a target, I was discharging tiny metal slugs at one. I could understand the sport of it, but I’ve never been one for sports. As I gathered my things, a middle-aged gent, this one with facial hair like David’s — a goatee to keep the ’stache company — asked me how I felt after plugging the target.

“Honestly?” I answered. “I’m pretty sure my penis got bigger.”

After taking a moment to let my words soak in, the guy responded, “Oh yeah? In that case, I think I’m going to go back in there and do some more shooting.”

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Comments

David Dodd June 3, 2009 @ 3:18 p.m.

Your target-spread is high: Stop anticipating the recoil!

I enjoyed this. And good luck with your large penis, it now qualifies you to graduate to paint-ball wars ;)

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Barbarella Fokos June 3, 2009 @ 3:33 p.m.

I had no idea my recently-inflated "member" guaranteed me a spot on the paint-ball team, refried. Awesome. I'm happy you liked the story!

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David Dodd June 3, 2009 @ 3:52 p.m.

Oh yeah. In fact, you, Josh, Matt, and Ernie ought to team up! Challenge some of the (remaining) staff from the U-T. Then, I'll look forward to a story, written in a revelatory narrative circle. Sort of Kingsolver meets Faulkner except with neon paint ;)

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bohemianopus June 3, 2009 @ 3:56 p.m.

Yo Barb,

My Uncle Vinny in Jersey read this and would like to offer you a job.

Pat

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Barbarella Fokos June 3, 2009 @ 4:09 p.m.

Ha! Pat, that might just be an offer I can't refuse. ;)

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catty1 June 4, 2009 @ 3:29 p.m.

First, it was Dr. Horrible, now Eddie Izzard. You're freaking me out lady-we like a lot (A LOT) of the same stuff. I love reading your columns (obviously, as I've commented on several)but I'm starting to feel like a star-frakker! "Oh, you like that? So do I!"

I say that out of love. ;)

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MsGrant June 4, 2009 @ 7:01 p.m.

That was a really funny story!! I loved the two semi-autos fantasy! I could actually see you doing that, all Laura Croft and sh*t.

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johnandflo June 5, 2009 @ 10:45 a.m.

Got a good laugh. Could only picture you shooting in your stiletto heels. I don't know what's more dangerous, you with those heels or those guns????

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Barbarella Fokos June 6, 2009 @ 4:09 p.m.

Catty, I bet we fit into some kind of cattygory. ;) Either that, or we both like cool stuff!

MsGrant, I'm so happy you liked the story! That's right, all I need now is a really long knife and Angelina's body.

John, if you thought those heels were dangerous, you should see my new kickers. ;)

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MsGrant June 6, 2009 @ 6:40 p.m.

Liked it? I LOVED it! I swear, as I read this story over, every paragraph has a hilarious wit. "As I thrust my Mini Cooper" after witnessing the "truck nuts" had me laughing my a*s off! It just got better from there. You have a knack for comedy that just kills. Congrats on the bulls-eye!!

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David Dodd June 6, 2009 @ 6:53 p.m.

Except for the spread on the target Ms. Grant. Too much thrusting. Don't anticipate the recoil. Squeeze that trigger, make love to it, don't thrust like some reckless teenager at the drive-in. Pull it gently, that trigger, like it's the only thing you'll ever touch again.

Wait, what were we talking about again?

I look forward to Barb on the radio; I admit it, I'm hooked. Such a pretty and honest voice, and the giggle sends me. Hope you talk about this experience on Wednesday, Barbarella.

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bowlefr4life June 7, 2009 @ 1:49 p.m.

Hey Barb, I think that was a great column. I am a regular at the range and have done alot of trap shooting (aka shotguns) and also shoot my 357 magnum. By the way you look fabulous. I haven't seen you in a long time but you were beautiful to me before. Phil says hi. He is the one who told me about the column and the video. Keep up the good work. And don' worry, I have enough guns for the both of us ! Kam your old neighbor in Mission Hills

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pullnshoot25 June 7, 2009 @ 5:34 p.m.

Congratulations on your first range trip! I hope your perception of guns has changed for the better and the love for your 2nd Amendment rights (nay, all the Amendments!) grows!

I think that learning to shoot is a very practical skill, right up there with learning to drive a stick shift. Good for you for taking the plunge.

CARRY ON! -N8 http://caopencarry.blogspot.com

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Barbarella Fokos June 8, 2009 @ 10:17 a.m.

Refried, I'm happy you're listening to the show! I have a lot of fun with Jack in studio.

Kam, hi, long time no see! Thank you for the sweet words, and for dropping in to say hello. :D

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Barbarella Fokos June 8, 2009 @ 10:23 a.m.

N8, that's an interesting viewpoint, I never viewed guns as "practical," at least not in my day to day life. Then again, I buy my meat pre-killed. ;) Thank you for commenting!

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