I Have Hands should appeal to Residents fans who need something to embellish their burns and to know-it-alls who've "heard everything." The Bran Flakes is a mix/mash-up creature conceived between 'zinesters in 1992. The resulting child is more like Rosemary's baby than the innocent newborn for which most parents pray. At their fiercest, the Flakes convey the visceral creepiness of Little Marcy (the dummy mouthpiece for an evangelical ventriloquist whose recordings were aimed at helpless children). The trick is in how this is made palatable by being mixed with Teletubbie banality and almost-pretty cuts like "I Have a Friend."

Incredibly, the BFs are able to hold attention through this CD's 30 tracks. Some, like the vaguely European roller-rink tones of "Rodeo Butterfly," are odd fun. "Stumble Out of Bed," which samples Dolly Parton, the Osmonds, and Survivor, is more than amusing, satirizing a "normality" once dominating Middle America. "I'm Not Feeling Very Well" is a little girl weakly mouthing the word "cough" -- once. "The Girl That I Used To Be" evokes a wistful Euro-pop ambiance. And on it goes, through "I Comb My Hair Sideways" and the chilling "You Can Do Most Anything." How can you assess the quality of Track 14, "Do You Want Salad With Your Taco"? I'm just appalled at how long I had to wait for it.

I Have Hands reveals how the kid who's characterized as "so quiet and normal" can turn into a serial killer, especially if he or she is left alone for long with the sort of children's media from which the Flakes source.

  • Album title: I Have Hands (2009)
  • Artist: The Bran Flakes
  • Label: Illegal Art
  • Songs: (1) Hi (2) Rodeo Butterfly (3) KLAM (4) Stumble Out of Bed (5) I'm Not Feeling Very Well (6) Marchy March (7) Don Knotts (8) The Girl That I Used To Be (9) What It's All About (10) Dance of the Sugarsnap Fairy (11) Singing Dogs (12) Make a Funny Sound (13) You Can Do Most Anything (14) Do You Want Salad With Your Taco? (15) Mini Mountain Queen (16) The Sidewalk Song (17) I Wonder Where My Grandmother Is? (18) Mr. And Mrs. Footsie (19) Funky Feeling (20) I Comb My Hair Sideways (21) Van Pop (22) If I Loved You (23) Fifty Four Fifty (24) Jump Up! (25) Beat Head (26) The Crickets Ditty (27) Sunshine Country (28) I Am a Promise (29) I Have a Friend (30) Bye

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