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The next über-hip locus will be in the South or the North

Nature abhors a hipster vacuum

This isn't even my final form.
This isn't even my final form.

Dear Hipster:

I’ve been enjoying the hipster town comparisons to San Diego. Now I’m curious: if you didn’t live here, what hipsterville would you call home? Please don’t answer Austin, Brooklyn, or Portland.

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— G. Galad

I will answer neither Austin nor Brooklyn nor Portland, because they are saturated with lesser hipsters and, unless offered a leadership position in the local hipster government, I would need to go somewhere with more of a hipster vacuum. Nature abhors a hipster vacuum, and whenever one occurs, hipsters rush in from far and wide to equalize the hipster pressure differential. Of course, because the average hipster carries an ironic momentum equal to the weight of his vintage vinyl collection (usually substantial) multiplied by the force of his detachment from contemporary consumer culture (usually greater than 14 megahips per flannel), Johnny Come Latelys to the hipster picnic can’t stop themselves before tumbling into the teeming hipster metropolis, already one-hipster-too-many for comfort. This creates a hipster glut, which sets up the next spillover into whatever hipster void should next open.

Predicting the arrival of the new scene is among the most valuable skills a hipster can possess; tantamount to being the first hillbilly to find oil in Texas or, if you’re feeling supercynical, the first vulture to spot the wildebeest carcass poaching on the open plains. Either way, it’s wide-open opportunity for the enterprising hipster who happens to be the first cool kid around.

But, as Mom, Dad, and most of my friends past and present always used to (and still) say, “DJ, enough with the obscure trivia. Answer the damn question!”

With a choice of anywhere in the U.S., it would be a toss-up between Fairbanks, Alaska, and Nashville, Tennessee.

I know, I know. That sounds super random, but it’s the result of extensive hipster studies, not mere conjecture. I strongly suspect the next über-hip locus will be in the South or the North. Hipsters, craving a more authentic hipster experience, will gravitate toward the woodsy, lumberjackish lifestyle of the Arctic Circle. In the alternative, they may seek to dabble in the carnivorous, barbecue belt zeitgeist; a more genteel version of which so many urban hipsters have adapted to coastal city life. In either case, it would be a kind of Saturn Return for the contemporary hipster, an inevitable evolution to the next form.

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This isn't even my final form.
This isn't even my final form.

Dear Hipster:

I’ve been enjoying the hipster town comparisons to San Diego. Now I’m curious: if you didn’t live here, what hipsterville would you call home? Please don’t answer Austin, Brooklyn, or Portland.

Sponsored
Sponsored

— G. Galad

I will answer neither Austin nor Brooklyn nor Portland, because they are saturated with lesser hipsters and, unless offered a leadership position in the local hipster government, I would need to go somewhere with more of a hipster vacuum. Nature abhors a hipster vacuum, and whenever one occurs, hipsters rush in from far and wide to equalize the hipster pressure differential. Of course, because the average hipster carries an ironic momentum equal to the weight of his vintage vinyl collection (usually substantial) multiplied by the force of his detachment from contemporary consumer culture (usually greater than 14 megahips per flannel), Johnny Come Latelys to the hipster picnic can’t stop themselves before tumbling into the teeming hipster metropolis, already one-hipster-too-many for comfort. This creates a hipster glut, which sets up the next spillover into whatever hipster void should next open.

Predicting the arrival of the new scene is among the most valuable skills a hipster can possess; tantamount to being the first hillbilly to find oil in Texas or, if you’re feeling supercynical, the first vulture to spot the wildebeest carcass poaching on the open plains. Either way, it’s wide-open opportunity for the enterprising hipster who happens to be the first cool kid around.

But, as Mom, Dad, and most of my friends past and present always used to (and still) say, “DJ, enough with the obscure trivia. Answer the damn question!”

With a choice of anywhere in the U.S., it would be a toss-up between Fairbanks, Alaska, and Nashville, Tennessee.

I know, I know. That sounds super random, but it’s the result of extensive hipster studies, not mere conjecture. I strongly suspect the next über-hip locus will be in the South or the North. Hipsters, craving a more authentic hipster experience, will gravitate toward the woodsy, lumberjackish lifestyle of the Arctic Circle. In the alternative, they may seek to dabble in the carnivorous, barbecue belt zeitgeist; a more genteel version of which so many urban hipsters have adapted to coastal city life. In either case, it would be a kind of Saturn Return for the contemporary hipster, an inevitable evolution to the next form.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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