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Just as I was thinking of how nasty it would be to sip the stuff, Ame declared that before the loser could claim her consolation prize, everyone sitting on the sofas surrounding the coffee table had to take a swig of the ghastly goo (which, we were told, was made using the powder packets from two boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and some kind of liquid that was rumored to be alcohol, though no one seemed quite sure). David was quick to stand before the bottle reached the couch upon which we sat. The blood vessels in my brain must have been clogged with cheese, because the next thing I knew, the bottle was in my hands and, in an uncharacteristic show of solidarity, I was taking a little sip.

Noting the look on my face, a combination of baby-eating-broccoli and woman-encountering-dead-body, Gretchen gave me a bottle of ginger beer; in return, I passed her the unholy concoction. Like children swapping spit or blood to become symbolic siblings, everyone sitting obeyed Ame and touched their lips to the Mac and Cheeseade. When the ritual had been completed, the mad scientist behind the emetic potion was awarded several boxes of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and made to sit on a whoopee cushion.

Everyone cheered as the fourth, third, and second places were awarded dried macaroni and glitter-decorated “medals.” With hands and voices, people simulated a drum roll, and Ame solemnly raised the kindergarten-style medallion for the winner. Before this night, my idea of a good mac ’n’ cheese had been Velveeta shells or Kraft’s thick and creamy. As Ame approached me with the first-place medallion and an iridescent bag containing fine cheese and sparkling wine, I couldn’t help but feel proud. Sure, all I did was measure a few things and stir in the shrimp, but I had helped create something that people liked.

Okay, so it had nothing to do with that. I’d rather stub my toe than touch raw food. Sure, I take pleasure in bringing joy to others, but the real reason I was happy was because I was on the winning team. I jumped up with Queen’s “We Are the Champions” playing in my head, and accepted my award with a teary heartfelt speech. Then I popped open the sparkling wine and shared the spoils with my vanquished opponents. Meanwhile, David, content that he had done his best, simply smiled, allowing me to bask in the glory.

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Comments

Kansaskid June 19, 2008 @ 9:41 a.m.

You never cease to amaze and entertain. I nominate David for immdiate canonization.

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Barbarella Fokos June 19, 2008 @ 7:35 a.m.

I just posted the big, secret RECIPE of the winning dish on my web site: http://www.divabarbarella.com

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Barbarella Fokos June 19, 2008 @ 11:13 a.m.

Thanks, Kansaskid! On a side note, David would certainly be granted sainthood for his extraordinary ability to put up with a neurotic freakcase like me. And he makes a mean mac & cheese, to boot. The church is WAY into mac & cheese. ;)

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AmyK June 20, 2008 @ 4:34 p.m.

What a fantastic and original party! On the other hand, knowing you, I can't believe you drank from that bottle after everyone's mouth had been on it...although I suppose you didn't have a choice. hehe. Can't wait to try David's (and yours) winning recipe! See you when you return from your travels! XOXO

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Barbarella Fokos June 20, 2008 @ 7:24 p.m.

I'm not sure what grossed me out more -- sharing germs or tasting that heinous liquid. ;) But it was all part of the experience. Seriously, though, you would LOVE the taste of that dish. Or-freakin-gasmic.

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Barbarella Fokos June 24, 2008 @ 11:07 a.m.

I don't know what I find more repulsive -- Gene Simmons or the chicks who are willing (and wanting) to do him. Thanks for testing my gag reflex. The walls at the party weren't covered, but there were tons of fun decorations. ;)

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Josh Board June 23, 2008 @ 4:04 p.m.

I had some free time on my hands. So, I watched two videos today while browsing around. Both made me gag equally. One, was your fine piece on the mac and cheese, and watching you guys drink that mess. Yikes!!! (the other was the Gene Simmons sex video). Did they cover the walls with some fine macaroni art, like we used to do in 3rd grade for our parents?

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