The finale of our appetizer ordeal was a seasonal special (Thursdays and Fridays) of boiled crawfish. I could pontificate about it for pages. Numero uno, the boil sucks. I don’t even want to guess what’s in there; it’s unspeakable. The boil, not the crawfish, is the secret of boiled crawfish, and bringing a bottle of Crystal hot sauce to the table is too late! The Crystal should go in the boil. At Frankie and Johnny’s in NOLA, they buy it in bottles big enough to fill a Hummer’s tank. Numero dos: They overcooked it to mush, or left it in the hot water until somebody ordered it. We couldn’t “suck the heads” because the stuff in the heads was black and desiccated. Worse yet, overboiled crawfish is hard to peel because you can’t just crisply snap the soggy backs to start the thin belly-shell opening — you gotta peel ’em slowly with your fingernails like ignorant Yankees.

After a happy, healthy interlude of free dinner salads, we moved on to the main course. (I suspect that the salad entrées are probably a good, fairly healthy way to go here, topped with your choice of fried chicken, eggplant, crawfish, etc.)

Many of the entrées are “combos” that give you more tastes for your bucks — bad tastes. Whatever you do, don’t order the unholy “Holy Trinity” of south Louisiana’s three top dishes, all brutally abused. It’s got gumbo — served not in a bowl or cup but splattered on the plate. It’s a decent gumbo, with a dark brown, smoky roux base, a good flavor, loads of andouille and chicken (and also, weirdly, pork meat). The jambalaya was an evil joke, a mound of dried-out brown-colored rice, no fixin’s except the goodies from the gumbo. (I’d tried a “little taste” of the jambalaya seven years ago, and it was bad then too.) The recipe (the menu proudly announces) comes from the Court of Two Sisters, a once-renowned French Quarter tourist trap that locals have shunned for at least 30 years. (Somebody send the Chateau’s chef to Magnolias in Encanto for a jambalaya refresher course!) The crawfish étouffée is from an “award-winning recipe in Breaux Bridge.” What award — the booby prize? It’s nothing like what I tasted at Pat’s in nearby Henderson, crawfish capital of the planet. Even the color is wrong (greenish, not pinkish), and it’s nothing at all like the heavier, more tomatoey rendition my friends Marc and Ann Savoy cooked up when I visited them in Eunice. Blindfolded, I’d never guess its identity. “The only thing I can stand to eat on this plate is the gumbo,” said the Lynnester, and we all agreed with her.

Another combo called “Oh, My, You Got Crabs!” pairs a crab cake with a fried soft-shell. The cake is tall, thick, heavily battered, and loaded with filler — Marty thought it might be cornmeal. The buster crab tasted of nothing but its surrounding batter. Along with a mustard remoulade sauce, there’s an all-starch veggie array: sugar-glazed potato cubes, yam fingers, and some kind of corn sludge trying to be a pudding.

The same starches came with “Fire in the Hole,” blackened catfish with tasso and andouille cream sauce (the sauce motivating my order). The menu warns you, “You best have a (sic) ice-cold Dixie beer close by.” It’s a lie — no need to get yourself Dixie-fried at this spice level. Like the scallops, this must have been inspired by Paul Prudhomme, long ago — red-hot seasonings coating fish rapidly cooked in a red-hot cast-iron skillet — but since then Orleans’ kitchen has forgotten how to blacken. Instead, you get mushy, mediocre-quality fish mild enough for a Midwestern grade-schooler and a nothin’ special sauce.

Our best entrée was pork chops Bienville, basically pasta Bienville (angel hair in seafood cream sauce) with added pork chop (which proved tender). Again, I was flung back to happy memories of friends: chef Stanley Jackson had been working in an Oakland Creole restaurant (owned by Rudy Lombard, a civil rights–era Louisiana hero) when Popeye’s lured him home with an executive chef gig to help them expand their side-dish menu. His version of Pasta Bienville was fiery with black, white, and red pepper. At Chateau Orleans it’s mild, soothing, and amiable. The pasta is a bit too soft, and I surely did miss the heat. But it’s easy eating.

What Chateau Orleans needs is not yet another owner, but for the current owner to grapple with the problems and bring in a fresh dose of authentic Louisiana cooking spirit. (I know from the lagniappe his heart’s in the right place!) The City that Care Forgot is not just some lewd, antic version of Disneyland but a unique American cultural hub, and it pains me to see its inimitable cuisine dissed this way, even inadvertently. Surely somewhere in San Diego there’s a displaced chef from the Lower Ninth working way below his or her skill level, starved for a more interesting job. Or maybe the owner could hire Marvin Johnson of Batter Up (formerly of Juke Joint) for a short-term consultancy. The restaurant is such an enjoyable place to eat, I surely do wish it would regain its raison d’être and serve the real and fabulous food that inspired its name.

WHAT THE CAJUN EATS

CRAWFISH (OR SHRIMP) ÉTOUFFÉE

Marc and Ann Savoy (pronounced Sah-VWAH) are Louisiana folklorists, devoted to preserving Cajun music and folkways. Accordionist Marc’s ancestors settled in Eunice (on the “Cajun prairie”) well before the Acadians (Cajuns) arrived from Canada. “I don’t understand why anybody needs a cookbook, or any written recipes,” says Marc. “Around here, you learn to cook by helping your parents in the kitchen.” This recipe, he says, is “a lot like Cajun music — really simple, but with a very special quality. And I’ve never succeeded in putting in too much garlic.” You can do a quick version of this without roux, or a slower, thicker version (which Marc calls “court bouillon”) with a roux. If two cooks will fit at your stove, you can have one make the roux and the other cook the crawfish at the same time. Serves 4–6.

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Comments

Bayou Bengal July 1, 2008 @ 9:41 a.m.

Your review was right on the money! My family and I, all New Orleans natives, are usually very hesitant to even try any restauraunt that claims to serve "Cajun" or "Creole" or god forbid "Cajun/Creole" (there is no such thing, as you know, they are very different)so we went into Chateau Orleans with less than high hopes and, yep, we were right. New Orleans style food, or any food from the great state of Louisiana is not just about beads and Mardi Gras colors, or Abita beer and jazz music...it is about the food. The ingredients, the preparation and the presentaion as well as all the above mentioned make the food so good and so special. Chateau fell VERY short and we wonder if anyone there has ever even been to New Orleans. We felt like inviting the owner and chef to our house so they could get a taste of REAL CAJUN cooking. Then and only then could the chef/owner understand what is going wrong with their restaraunt. Anyway, they must stay in business because so many people are misled to think that boxed Zatarains is real Cajun food like Taco Bell is real Mexican food. Then there is the prices...OUTRAGEOUS!!! $12 for a bowl of red beans and rice?!?! I can make enough for 10 people for $12, and make it taste better as well. Anyway, your review was excellent and I hope they heed your advice...my sister and mother and I would be happy to go and show the chef/owner how to make the food right, save money and increase business in one night with our family recipes. Keep up the excellent work, we love your column.

Regards, Lee "Andouille" Edler

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scole35 July 1, 2008 @ 2:37 p.m.

Hello, just wanted to comment on our visit to Chateau New Orleans. I, too, have visited this wonderful little place with congenial atmosphere hard to beat but sorely lacking in really good genuine southern food. It amazes me how one can take a simple humble dish like red beans and rice and make it taste like it came right out of the box. I am afraid the shipping costs and compromising on the quality of taste has undermine the true value of our southern culture. That must be the only reason I can think of for them to spoil such with resorting to box items instead of fresh foods. In times past, nothing pleased me more to have people taste the humbleness of such simple dishes like red beans and rice, grits, gumbo, jambalaya, and etoufee out of my kitchen and just go crazy over it. Grant you, some dishes take more work but hey, it is worth it. Come on, how can you fix any of these dishes with nothing but the real thing, not something out of boxes. It has always been a time honored saying as far as Cajun dishes or Creole, what have you, to have only the best as far as indgredients go. I don't know about you but it really is a shame that someone can't go in and help out that poor owner of Chateau New Orleans. Anybody from the real south will do. We have different flavors all over that geographical area of Louisiana but anyone from there will certainly improve the quality of those dishes. And last but not least, do the prices need to be that high for such humble dishes. I can understand if you are getting genuine andouille sausage from Louisiana and fresh red beans that cook up in no time compared to some of these beans brought here from who knows where.Also the seafood prices grant you are not cheap either. But really, now, give us a break on the prices, huh? Love to chat more but I think you covered it all in your excellent review. By the way, there is a place here that I want to try next, called the SandCrab or something like it and just a couple blocks from where I live right here in San Marcos and run by a family from Florida. Heard it was good from my neighbors but of course, I need to try it out for myself since my neighbors don't come from the south, lol. Have you heard of it and if so, what are your comments about it. Would like to know.

Also raised Cajun Stacia "Cajun Mama" Cole

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Naomi Wise July 2, 2008 @ 5:24 p.m.

Thanks, both of you, for telling it like it is. Maybe the new owner will take it seriously if he hears it from a lot of people. I wouldn't mind the prices so much if the food were better and more authentic. Hey, Orleans-Guy, Owner! Yo! If you want to use the recipes I gave at the end of that piece, you go right ahead. I won't hold you to copywright laws. I'm sure my friend Marc Savoy, as a Cajun folklorist, would love it if you used his authentic recipe in place of the bulls--- recipe you're currently using.

Stacia -- I've been to Sand Crab. It's great fun! But the one downside is: No melted butter. It's margarine. However, if you BYOButter, they'll melt it for you.

--Naomi Wise

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sdaints July 8, 2008 @ 12:31 p.m.

I have been meaning to let you know how much I enjoyed this review. You saved me a trip from trying mediocre New Orleans style food, which I am always interested in finding, being a New Orleans native. I was always skeptical of this place considering its location. More importantly, your references to some of the great restaurants and foods that New Orleans has to offer evoked some fond memories and temporarily brought me back home.

Jonathan

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pilote Oct. 6, 2008 @ 3:32 p.m.

I just went to this place for Sunday Brunch. I love Cajun food, so I was very much looking forward to their Cajun buffet. What a disappointment! What they are calling a Louisiana Gumbo is far from it; isn't a gumbo suppose to be in a roux? I'd call it either Louisiana Soup or Pacific Beach Gumbo. It's not that it was bad, it's just that it wasn't GUMBO.

And their implementation of a beignet needs more attention; they are suppose to be light & crisp little dougnuts, not rocky boulders with a haphazard sprinkling of powdered sugar.

Can anybody in SD make me a good red beans and rice meal at a beans and rice price?

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Sheryl Oct. 13, 2008 @ 9:52 a.m.

There's a Cajun restaurant in Old Town -- adjacent to the Whaley House -- called the New Orleans Creole Cafe. I didn't think it was great -- but I didn't think it was bad either. I actually want to go back and try a few more things on the menu -- since the first time I went I was in a bit of a time crunch -- so it was quick and we only ordered a couple of things. It's a cute place with some outside seating with a view of a quaint courtyard and the Whaley House beyond. I would be interested in hearing if anyone else has gone to this restaurant and what they thought about the food.

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