Barbarella
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Yoga is difficult for the one whose mind is not subdued. — Bhagavad Gita

Despite all the dismissive things I’ve said about patchouli-wearing chakra tweakers, I still wanted to try yoga. Though my inherent impatience inspires me to be proactive in most facets of life, I wasn’t in a rush to get the big blue exercise ball rolling on something that might take away the blankie of stress to which I’d grown so attached. When it comes to ventures such as this, I rely on my friends Rosa and Janet (each an executive in different national big-name corporations) to lead the way. Rosa had generated the email, after which Janet had offered to lend me her extra mat and thrown out a few dates. I had but to say yes and pick a day.

The class was called Yoga Fundamentals. If it were an English course, we would not be tackling sentences or even words — we’d be learning the alphabet. That suited me just fine, as yoga — like Swahili to a Tahitian — was a language of which I was only vaguely aware and had yet to encounter firsthand. Before heading to Janet’s studio of choice, Ginseng Yoga in South Park, I called Rosa to verify that I would not need socks. She mentioned something about blankets being provided — though I couldn’t imagine why I’d need one of those, I refrained from seeking clarification, figuring I’d find out soon enough.

Forty minutes before class was to begin, I parked in front of a charming strip of businesses tucked between residential streets. After about 20 minutes, I recognized Janet’s car approaching; I stopped pacing up and down the short sidewalk and waited for her in the shadow of a tree. As I stood there, I took a moment to enjoy the warm early-evening breeze coming from the direction of the setting sun, and couldn’t help feeling all Zen and shit.

Janet led me into Ginseng’s front room, a boutique that sells yoga-oriented clothes, books, music, and equipment; I presumed the jewelry and paintings had been created using some special artsy yoga techniques. Something about the space made me feel like I should whisper, so I dropped my voice as I greeted the guy seated behind the counter. I filled out an information form, hesitating at the part that asked for an emergency contact. I whisper-blitzed a series of questions: “Why would I need this? Do people get stuck in poses? Is passing out common?” Janet assisted the man in explaining that it was just procedure, you know, for the great “if.” Satisfied, I jotted down David’s name and slid the form back across the counter in exchange for my credit card — one class would have been $15, but I sprang for the extra $5 that would allow me to partake in another class if I came back within ten days.

The studio to which we were directed (the smaller of the two) had just enough room to comfortably set eight yoga mats in two rows of four. It was dark — like the basements of East Coast homes, a few small casement windows (through which leaves of the tall trees outside could be seen), were arrayed along one wall near the ceiling. I rolled out my borrowed mat in the space farthest from where the instructor would likely stand, and Janet unrolled her mat next to mine. Rosa, who showed up late, found her spot in the corner opposite me.

The instructor was a man, which I found surprising until I reminded myself that yoga wasn’t just a chick thing. Then again, there was only one man in the class, which became immediately apparent when our appointed guru for the evening said, “Hello, ladies...and Aaron. My name is Robert, and I’ll be your instructor for the evening.” Robert walked the room, introducing himself individually to first-timers. He wore baggy beige shorts and a white T-shirt, and his long dark hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. Energy radiated from his pores. I guessed him to be in his early 20s, but then he mentioned something about his wife. Because only Mormons marry that young, I concluded Robert must be older and just look youthful — score a point for yoga.

We began with a pose called the “downward facing dog.” This one wasn’t new to me; I’d seen it while partying with my sister Jane in Vegas. Constipated from a weekend diet comprising countless cocktails and a few bites of anything fried, one of Jane’s friends demonstrated the right-angle triangle stance (butt in the air, hands and feet on the ground) as a way to “help get things moving.”

I followed Robert’s instructions and allowed my head to hang down between my shoulders. I pushed the ground with my arms and tried really hard to get my heels to join my toes on the ground, but my calves weren’t having it. After we “walked” our feet toward our hands, we remained for a moment in the “touch your toes” position, which was an easy one for me, thanks to the flexibility I’ve obtained from my daily routine of holding the complicated “face to knees so hair can dry naturally without falling flat” pose.

Robert asked us to rest for a moment, so I dropped to my bum, and then realized I was the only one. Everyone else had arranged themselves into an uncomfortable-looking “peasant groveling before the king” pose, low on their knees with their foreheads on their mats and their arms stretched out in front of them. Jarring the others with the surprising sound of my voice, I said, “Is that, like, the official resting pose? It doesn’t look very restful.”

Robert chuckled with the patient disposition of a kindergarten teacher. “That’s known as the “child’s pose,” which is usually the resting pose,” he said. “But for now, as this is the fundamentals class, you can rest however you like.” I smiled with relief and remained seated with my legs crossed.

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Comments

Barbarella Fokos Aug. 23, 2008 @ 2:42 p.m.

Jim, you know that putting the # where the "i" should be isn't fooling anyone who knows how to read, right? It just looks like a fancy italic "i." If you truly want to curse without using a dirty word, every letter needs to be a symbol, like they do in cartoons: #@&#! I'm happy you liked the line! It made me giggle when I typed it. :)

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Ollie Aug. 22, 2008 @ 7:14 a.m.

"The instructor was a man, which I found surprising until I reminded myself that yoga wasn’t just a chick thing."

No. You were right the first time.

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jim87vette Aug. 22, 2008 @ 9:34 a.m.

All Zen and Sh#t,I love that line lol!I tried a few years back to become a human pretzel but it was very painful ouch.I find a good book and a couch or an outdoor peaceful place works for me just fine thank you.Enjoy your next class pretzel girl and get all zen and sh#t for me lol. Hey it lets you write sh#t but I can't lol.

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jack Aug. 25, 2008 @ 6:10 p.m.

I took that guys class a few times. It was like learning yoga from Jim Morrison of the Doors. Good class but my wife couldn't stop staring at his ass. Now we go to a woman and I get to stare at her ass. Why are yoga people so hot? Why can't it rub off on me?

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Barbarella Fokos Aug. 26, 2008 @ 2:10 p.m.

Jim Morrison is a good comparison, Jack. And I don't blame your wife, Robert has an enviable physique. That doesn't just rub off -- it took him at least 10 years of dedicated practice to get to where he is. I don't think I've done anything for 10 years. Wait, I take that back. I've always read and written daily. But anything else? Aside from eating, drinking, talking, and sleeping? Nope. Won't stop me from trying, though. ;)

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sarahlayne Aug. 26, 2008 @ 9:11 p.m.

I am so glad when people pick up yoga! And you're going to the same studio I go to, yay! There are some really amazing teachers there. I was not super physically fit before I started yoga (nor particularly flexible) and now I am one of the most fit people and THE MOST flexible person I know. Maybe I'll see you when you get into some more advanced classes!

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MsGrant Aug. 27, 2008 @ 10:27 a.m.

Yoga is great for helping to control those freak-out moments in our lives - you know the ones? I need to get my butt back to my yogo class and your column inspired me. That aside, your column does just get better and better. I am taking a creative writing class from your co-author, Thomas Larson (great teacher!), and I use your column as part of my required reading. I can only hope to write as well.

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Barbarella Fokos Aug. 27, 2008 @ 9:21 p.m.

That's inspiring to hear, Sarah! I hope to be as fit and flexible as you some day, and maybe I'll run into you at Ginseng! Best, Barbarella

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Barbarella Fokos Aug. 27, 2008 @ 9:23 p.m.

MsGrant, what an amazing compliment you pay me! It is the most rewarding thing for a writer to think her words can inspire another, and I'm happy to know that you enjoy my work. I hope you are enjoying Larson's class, and I'm honored to be part of the curriculum! Best, Barb

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