I got word of a party called "Goatfest 2007." As I drove into the P.B. neighborhood, I saw a party being broken up by the police. It wasn't the one I was looking for, though.There was a wedding reception near where I parked, and I thought if the Goatfest was a bust, I'd crash the reception.

In front of the house, there was a sign that read "Got Goats?" I walked around back and saw appetizers such as goat cheese and goat meat, which someone said tasted "just like regular steak."

When the band was set up, I asked, "Are you going to do songs like Cake's 'Sheep go to heaven/ Goats go to Hell'?" He laughed and said, "Yeah, someone printed out an entire list of songs with goats in the lyrics." I told him that other than the Cake tune and the Rolling Stones' Goats Head Soup album, I didn't know there was anything else.

I pulled out a cigar but didn't have anything to light it with.

A girl from Lithuania offered me a light. She told me that she was a teacher. As she was leaving to go to another party with her boyfriend, she told me that they'd be having a big holiday bash and would invite me.

I asked David, the host, how he came up with the goat theme. "We were watching ESPN and an ad came on about goats or heroes. It had the Yankees, and I hate the Yankees. It sort of all came from that."

I went to grab a Coke and saw a guy leaning against a fence. He appeared to be drunk. I tried to talk to him, but he was too out of it.

There were several UCSD students at the party, and half the crowd was part of the "Free P.B." campaign to keep alcohol from being banned on the beaches in P.B.

A guy named Nick was sipping on a beer, and he told me his thoughts on the issue. Another guy handed out red hats that read "Free P.B." on the back and "Keep Freedom Legal" on the front. When he approached a group of girls, they asked, "What do we have to do for one of these?" He replied, "Uh, nothing." I think they were expecting they'd have to do some kind of Girls Gone Wild stunt.

I was talking to a guy near the keg, and he said, "Now that I've met you, I think I've officially met everyone at this party. The key to meeting lots of people at a party -- and you probably already know this -- stay near the keg. You'll meet everyone eventually."

I talked with one UCSD student about the alcohol ban and the recent brawl on the beach in P.B. We agreed that an incident like that shouldn't change a law for everyone else. I complained about the new cell-phone law -- just because others can't talk on their phones and drive, I shouldn't have to deal with this new law coming out. Another guy approached and asked if either of us wanted a beer. The guy I was talking with said, "Of course. Can I be in an organization like this and not drink?"

I was surprised that the crowd was made up of twenty-somethings; they were all drinking, and everyone was well behaved. Nobody was loud or obnoxious.

My cigar burned out and I approached another guy smoking. When he offered me his Dodger lighter, I refused to use it. He punched me in the arm and said, "Dude, I'm from L.A. Give me a break." We talked sports until he saw a blonde that he wanted to try to pick up.

The band started playing. They were three songs into their set and I hadn't heard a single goat song. I did see T-shirts with goats on them that someone made. The band stopped around 11:00 p.m., when the cops broke things up.

I headed out and saw that the wedding reception was over, too. But, I found a party in P.B. that was still going.

A woman on the front lawn had a huge mug of beer. With one eye open, she slurred, "I love beer." I said, "Yeah, I can see that."

Someone asked the crowd who left their pipe on the fence. Another guy turned to me and asked if I wanted to "light up." I told him that I only smoke cigars. "Blunts?" he asked. I laughed and said, "No, regular cigars."

I overheard someone tell his friend, "You better carve your initials in your lighter or you'll never get it back."

One woman said, "My friends all hate the smell. I like it." I noticed she was pointing at my cigar.

"I used to work in a casino and got used to them," she told me. She also said that she wanted to be a Supreme Court justice and that she'd just gotten a speeding ticket and she was the designated driver for the evening.

Someone else admitted to me that they hit a parked car earlier.

There was a game of beer pong going on in the garage. A few people in the crowd told me that they were about to be evicted for having too many parties. They said they'd had five warnings. One said, "Yeah, it was this French lady. She kept calling the cops on us. The crazy thing was, she was beating her kids. We had to call the cops on her."

There was a guy who was 6'3" and had a black eye. I asked him what happened. "I got jumped by some guys. I won't say what race they were. That would be racist." I said, "I don't think it would be racist, unless you think less of that race.... Even if it was all guys of one race that beat you up, that doesn't say anything about that one race." He responded, "Yeah, well, I guess that's true. But, I'm still not saying." I laughed and said, "You're the one that brought it up. But, if you don't tell me, I'm just going to assume it was pygmies that beat the crap out of you."

One guy stumbled over to me as I was leaving and said, "I have an idea for your column, man." His breath reeked of beer. "Find a gambler," he explained, "and follow him for a week. If he wins, see if he parties more because of that. That same thing could work with a guy that has a job where it's all on commission." He took a swig from his Heineken.

"Or, you could follow a good girl around. Does she become a 'ho when she parties? Really, man, you should do that shit for your column. But, why am I telling you? I guess I babble all these crazy ideas when I drink. And, it's your column. You're the man!"

He then tripped and fell, but the beer stayed in his hand. I said, "I should follow you around for a week."

Crash your party? Call 619-235-3000 X421 and leave an invitation for Josh Board.