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HeyMatt:

If you ever want to outsource, I could answer half of the questions that you publish with no research at all. Why don't you answer one of the true mysteries of our time, namely, the reason that dishwashers stop working if you don't use them every two weeks or so.

-- Cyrus Torabi, Esq., Higgs, Fletcher & Mack LLP

The elves outsource pizza and the occasional bachelor-party-stripper-in-a-cake when it's been a slow week. But any of you Alicelanders who care to can direct your questions to Cyrus, and he'll pull something off the top of his brain and mail it to you. Certainly will cut down on the clutter in the office, which will make Grandma happy. As for Cyrus's personal predicament, the Maytag people say they never recommend that their dishwashers be used every two weeks to avoid disaster. A survey of local appliance repairers (when we could track them down personally, which took more than two weeks) suggests that the water seals in dishwashers need to stay wet or they crack. If the seals dry out, it can bind up the pump motor. Dishwasher seals, pumps, and motors are not as sturdy as those in washing machines and are more prone to "freezing" if left idle too long. Grandma Alice suggests you probably have bigger problems if you wash your dishes only once a month.

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