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Dig this, answer guy:

The Reader now prints six consecutive pages of body-sculpting ads, microdermabrasion ads, laser eye correction ads, varicose vein removal ads, and have-a-youth-obsessed-brain-leech-grafted-to-your-skull ads, with half a page of actual text squeezed amid this welter. Does your advertising department really think that we are among that vapid and lofty bunch who must be nipped and tucked, who regard silver-haired matrons and paunchy, jowly patriarchs as so-o-o-o-o passé?

— Wendi Bazoomers, Rancho Santa Fe

They’d never accuse you of that. The advertising department just thinks the readership is remarkably unattractive. But read on for the ultimate solution.

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