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Greetings:

Could it be true that the sweet geek Paul from The Wonder Years is now the ever-disturbing Marilyn Manson? We heard this nasty rumor. Could your li'l elves investigate this for us?

-- Paul's Fans, Ocean Beach

This one's easy. A no-elfer, as we like to say. The Universal Truth Squad thought it had laid to rest the big Paul/Marilyn scare three years ago. But it lives on like a dormant virus. Paul Pfeiffer (Josh Saviano), tele-neighbor of Kevin Arnold (Fred Savage) until 1993, did not grow up to be Marilyn Manson (Brian Warner). The source of the rumor may be an old Web site that had mighty morphin' pics of Saviano-becoming-Warner-becoming-Saviano-etc. Why? It's best not to ask that question about stuff on the Web. And you get what you deserve if you believe it all. Saviano is a student at Yale. Manson is, well, you know. But, hey, Kevin's love object, that mean mistreater Winnie Cooper (Danica McKellar), is working with Elvis and Dana Plato at a Wendy's in P.B. Pass it on.

* * *

TO: Aliceland,

FROM: Yours truly.

RE: Winnie Cooper/Danica McKellar.

As a mere crappie in the koi pond of life, I never expect anything I say to stir up trouble. So I'm often bad at heading off potential aggravation before it can turn ugly. My record of nonviolence is pretty good, but mostly because -- well -- I write, you read, we both forget it all immediately. But since Winnie/Danica does have San Diego connections, I feel compelled to set the record straight, as they say, after last week. No, Danica is not working with Elvis and Dana Plato in a local Wendy's. Danica, it turns out, is some kind of unbelievable brainiac who graduated summa cum laude from UCLA with a thesis that rocketed to the top of the theoretical mathematics charts. She's now juggling the responsibilities of being a full-time actress and rich math geek.

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