"Billions And Billions Served! Only Thousands Actually Digested!" --from the now-defunct comic strip "Shoe"

As I stated before, it's a very rare occurance that I go into a "fast-food" restaurant for a meal. I only will venture in if I have not had any solid food in 12 hours...and my body is threatening hypoglycemic shutdown. Then I will go to Mickey D's, order two double-cheeseburgers from their Dollar menu (plus a Mountain Blast Powerade) to go, then find a bus bench and scarf my snack.

Other than that, I avoid fast-food joints like another bout of MRSA. Besides the social stigma associated with being seen eating such obvious proto-food, my belly isn't too thrilled about digesting the offering in question.

And with good reason.

Besides the fact I can recreate most anything the fast-food industry puts out--only healthier, tastier, and for less cost--at home? I feel that the only things that you get out of your typical fast-food "meal" is: 1. Your NRDA (Non-Reccomended Daily Allowance) of grease, sugar, fat, low-grade meat, and potential food-borne nasties, served in portions big enough to be your only meal that day ; 2. Your wallet cleaned out by the menu's high prices; and 3. The "satisfaction" of listening to a bunch of screaming ankle-biters playing on the store-provided playground equipment (as the store management prays that no lawsuits their way will come!).

Besides, I tend to not eat at places with clowns for shills (CeCe's Pizza, Jack-In-The-Box, Mickey D's). Their very prescence belies the quality of the "food" offered--this turns out to be the bad joke in the equation.

As for In-N-Out? My view (after trying a Double-Double) is simple: "IN Your Gut-N-OUT Your Butt...with very few nutrients left behind!" I make better burgers than THAT!

The various fried-chicken emporiums? They deserve all the flak fired at them by nutrition-and-animal welfare mavens, because they promote themselves as something they are most definitely not! Neither nutritious nor delicious--and the only thing that gets slimmer is your wallet/debit card...as well as their reputations.

Carl's Jr/Sonic/Wendy's? I only will go in to get a cold drink if it's hot outside (7-Eleven and Circle K's prices are much cheaper, however). Other than that...they tend to get my order wrong more often than not. It's more than an inconvience for me...I'm highly allergic to mayo, and ingesting it means a trip to the E.R. for a Epinephrine injection and 50mg of oral Benadryl...or croaking from anaphylatic shock! If they cannot get the order right...they do not get my business!

The various chain pizza establishments? The most expensive "fast food" in the industry...and what you pay for isn't quality. I once had a roommate from Sicilly, and his attitude towards pies made by Domino's, Pizza Hut, and Little Ceaser's was, honestly quite scathing! How so? He told me about the ovens used to bake the pizzas at the three aforementioned chains, and described the process as "S***ing Pizzas." Watch the process at a Dominos sometime to see what I mean.

And as for the various Taco Bells and Del Tacos? Most immigrants from south of the border (legal or not) will tell you that what you get there is "Gringoed-up Tex-Mex"...and that's if they are in a generous mood! The joke often goes that when you cross onto American soil, never drink the water--and for good American food, head for Taco Bell! None of the offerings at either restaurant is found much south of the border...if at all. All that you really get for your cash is mislabeled Americanized comida mexicana.

One of my most recurring nightmares is seeing Jack and Ronald wheeling large sums of money to Bank of America--and having a hellacious belly-laugh as they do. Then I see a young man being wheeled out of their fast-food emporium...in a body bag from a massive heart attack. Jack and Ronald return...and begin busting a gut anew at the sight, as the dead lad is taken to the County Morgue. All the while, I stand impotent as more people walk through them emporium's doors. Nothing I can do to shut those laughing clowns up...preferrably for all eternity!

Now you see why I avoid fast food altogether (unless I have no other choice). Normally, I fix better meals than their sleazeball offerings--and will often wait until I get home to do just that!

Not bad for a second entry for the day...

--RKJ

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Comments

SDaniels Sept. 30, 2009 @ 1:38 a.m.

...sustainable fish, if there is such a thing anymore, and whatever kind you are--we don't eat you, Fishikins. I picture you as a pretty, slinky betta :)

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FullFlavorPike Sept. 30, 2009 @ 2:26 p.m.

We're mere minutes from a K/S breakdown here. Heheh.

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 9:28 a.m.

Makes me very glad to know everyone here is eating healthy!

How was the coaching, was your friend's writing as bad as mine? Is it totally hopeless?

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 2:01 a.m.

LOL! So long as none of them were my near relatives!

Totally agree with you on the immorality of farming practices, and not just animals, but the manipulation of genes in crop foods, that is soooooo scary!

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SDaniels Sept. 29, 2009 @ 11:08 p.m.

"IN Your Gut-N-OUT Your Butt" should have been the title of this blog.

Or: "Bust a Gut Anew" :)

So you are allergic to eggs? Soy?

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SDaniels Sept. 29, 2009 @ 11:09 p.m.

"pizza is american !"

It is now. Italian pizza is really more like flatbread or pita, usually margherita.

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 2:09 a.m.

Nope, we haven't eaten Billy the Big Mouth Bass or Mr. Limpit, or the Disney fish characters, or any of those guys.

LOLOLOL!

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 2:11 a.m.

Well as you know, I want Clay Aiken's body in the worst way, I realized we were compatible after I heard his sing Mack the Knife!

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SDaniels Sept. 30, 2009 @ 2:11 a.m.

Speaking of fishies, Pike appears to have taken the night off. Perhaps because I missed commenting on the last two ads? I'd better get started!

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SDaniels Sept. 30, 2009 @ 2:12 a.m.

That's it. You had better write that blog! I am dying to tell you who I've chosen, but will save the surprise :)

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 4:26 p.m.

Oooh, nan, are you talking about Adam Lambert????

_____ THUD!!!!!!

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 2:15 a.m.

Ooooh, I am waiting for that blog! And I don't know what's taking gringo so long with the Liza thing, must be writing an epic!

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PistolPete Sept. 29, 2009 @ 11:16 p.m.

$10 says LPR keels over at the ripe old age of 67 while taking a constitution down the street for a bag of celery.

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FullFlavorPike Sept. 30, 2009 @ 11:06 a.m.

P: Is somebody knocking cyclists around here? Do I have to get the virtual u-lock out and do some damage?

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 11:13 a.m.

LOL You'll have to read the story and out, think it's called San Diego Became a Beautiful Blonde. Lead story this week.

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SurfPuppy619 Sept. 30, 2009 @ 12:12 a.m.

In N Out Burger is the best burger restaurant in America.

It is really just a clone of the original McDonald's in San Bernardino.

I even have an In N Out Burger varsity jacket that I wear with pride.

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 5:26 p.m.

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 5:26 p.m.

Good???? God! LOLOLOLOL See how excited I got??? :P

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CuddleFish Sept. 29, 2009 @ 9:03 p.m.

I eat at every junk food place I can find. I eat junk food I buy from the store. I rarely cook, for one thing, I'm not a good cook, and for another since I gotta clean the mess I'm not inclined to make it. Besides, though I like good food, honestly I am not that particular. Food serves a purpose, if it tastes good too, great. Sometimes I think I don't eat too healthy, but compared to me, I am amazed how badly others eat, and further I have no other bad habits. Junk food is my one vice, if you want to call it that.

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CuddleFish Sept. 29, 2009 @ 11:16 p.m.

"IN Your Gut-N-OUT Your Butt" should have been the title of this blog.

Or: "Bust a Gut Anew" :)

Totally agree, SD! My eating habits are indefensible and I do not defend them. I encourage people to eat healthy and hope everybody eats healthier than I do.

I take it from what I've read that you are vegetarian? Is that based on health or moral reasons?

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SDaniels Sept. 30, 2009 @ 1:37 a.m.

Fish dared to ask:

"I take it from what I've read that you are vegetarian? Is that based on health or moral reasons?"

I'm a pescatarian. A vegaquarian.

Health and moral reasons--and when I say moral, I mean the environmental disaster meat-raising has caused, as well as for the immorality of factory farming practices.

I do not 'witness' to anyone about it, unless they ask, and family and friends are very comfortable around us. It helps that we eat--gulp, sorry--fish...

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SDaniels Sept. 30, 2009 @ 2:06 a.m.

Nope, we haven't eaten Billy the Big Mouth Bass or Mr. Limpit, or the Disney fish characters, or any of those guys.

Yes, the gene manipulation is scary for many reasons--and gene alteration with pesticide, downright horrifying.

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FullFlavorPike Sept. 30, 2009 @ 9 a.m.

I had a busy day yesterday: going down to Chula Vista to help my roommate's after school project out with a little writing coachery, followed immediately by a furious night at the SD Velodrome. Lots of body hurt makes it hard to get on and write something. I'll try to exceed expectations later today ;)

Anecdote--Yesterday, while hustling like mad to make it home in time to get costumed up and go ride bikes, I almost ate some drive thru to quell the absolute STARVATION that I felt most of the day. Didn't do it, though. 86 low grade foodstuffs in my diet.

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 9:31 a.m.

Ooooh, wait a minute, how did I miss this?

You're a San Diegan, and you ride a bike!

Go over to the lead story thread and tell that woman to kiss your spandex! :)

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PistolPete Sept. 30, 2009 @ 10:20 a.m.

In response to tiki's link,I give you....A VIRUS! Not really. More like a Wal-Mart VIRUS!(Cue dramatic music) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojLQ2t...

I'll assume SurfPup is a native Californian. In'n'Out suuuuuuuuuuuuucks donkey balls. The burgers are apathetic at best. There's waaaaay too much grease. And who the hell uses 1000 island dressing? Don't get me started on their horrible fries. Everytime I go there,I have to eat the fries first. They're usually cold and limp 5 minutes after I sit down if I don't. The shakes are really good though. In'n'Out=California cuisine. Sad. Pathetic. Steak'n'Shake is sooooooooooooo much better. Too bad there aren't any out here on the West Coast. http://www.steaknshake.com/

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FullFlavorPike Sept. 30, 2009 @ 11:04 a.m.

Fish: I help my friend out by working with the kids, not the friend. He's their teacher and in need of no coaching whatsoever. It just helps out to have extra adults around 20 or so screaming, hyperactive teenagers. All I do is talk to the scriptwriting team about developing their ideas into actual stories. It's chaotic, but fun. The kids are super creative and can really work like studio pros if you give them the chance, which my friend (by superhuman effort on his own part) does.

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nan shartel Sept. 30, 2009 @ 12:41 p.m.

i loved that story Fish...so much so i put it up for the Snowbirds on a Canadian website i go to

it got a huge amount of reads

i often put READER stories and even blogs there

now

what's all this dish i hear about u and Clay Aikens Mizzy Fishy!!!

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CuddleFish Sept. 30, 2009 @ 12:56 p.m.

LOL Nan, we were talking about writing fictional love stories, ala thestoryteller's "tryst" with Michael Jackson. I chose Clay Aiken, naturally!

Why, are you a Claymate? :)

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Joe Poutous Sept. 30, 2009 @ 1:04 p.m.

Cycling is cool as long as you are not into the Critical Mass (remove the M) thing.

In-N-Out is OK, but it's no Hodads.

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nan shartel Sept. 30, 2009 @ 1:09 p.m.

no darlin' i'm not.but i love love love that 2nd place winner this year...and i want him to do my make-up

however...is there a fictional love story afoot here at the reader...'cause i've been writing that stuff in both poetry and prose ad nauaseam for too many years to count

if u do write a fictional love story

count me in...but i can get dark and er..um..dirty muy pronto

couldn't we do a tryst with someone more interesting like Penn and Teller???

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SDaniels Sept. 30, 2009 @ 1:09 p.m.

nan: "...the Snowbirds on a Canadian website i go to"

Hey nan, are you a snowbird? Have had a few of them in my family too--ah, to live the life of a Canadian goose--or a "loony" :)

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SDaniels Sept. 30, 2009 @ 1:12 p.m.

nan implored: "couldn't we do a tryst with someone more interesting like Penn and Teller???"

DO IT! I am writing one right now for y'all's readin' pleasure. I imagine Penn's a noisy fellow in the sack, Teller not so much. Hey, why have the whole thing go down in a "Love Sac?" :) For more info, see FullFlavorPike's blog.

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nan shartel Sept. 30, 2009 @ 1:19 p.m.

oh SDaniels...my wish is ur command and i can't wait....i see Penn running in slow motion down a white sandy beach...hopefully not in San Diego...his chubby cheeks slapping the hell out of his tearful eyes...yes he runs quite vigorously toward????????

go get em Danny boy!!!!

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Robert Johnston Sept. 30, 2009 @ 3:42 p.m.

Hey There!

Lots of good entries today...got me to enjoy a really deep belly laugh ( a rarity in it's own, to be savored) while reading you comments.

PP: Wnen I do pass into the next life, it will be in bed...after ejoying a Lucullan supper that would be a real last meal! Besides, I'm not a vegan. My prefered "grill fare" is chicken or turkey thighs (Henry's if I can afford to go, Von's if my budget is tight), marinated or lightly spiced (Chicken w/ marinade of the Electrobachi tonight). I also prefer to make my burgers from ground turkey with a dash of seasoned salt and garlic powder, grilled well done, and with brown mustard and catsup on the bun faces.

As for my allergy to mayo. It's not eggs, but soy and the preservatives used in most commercial mayo. Even the smell is enough to make me blow dinner--and "Miracle Whip" has the same effect!

So, that is why when, even at Applebee's or Chili's, I not only order my burgers sans mayo...I also check the buns for it as well. A bit of preventive checking prevents a E/R run if I don't.

--RKJ

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antigeekess Sept. 30, 2009 @ 4:49 p.m.

Fishy wrote:

"Oooh, nan, are you talking about Adam Lambert???? _____ THUD!!!!!!"

Fishy, Board is buddies with Adam's dad, ya know...

For your viewing pleasure:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwH6fDCSk-c

(She finally finds focus at about :15)

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