Some times people get eased into their new lives, with little speed bumps here and there. Life is wonderfully easy for them, as they are generally stress free, they don’t have much to worry about, and they get things done at a pretty decent rate.

This kind of philosophy doesn’t work for me.

On June 2nd, I was watching the World Jiu JItsu Championships in Long Beach and had to work that same night at 9:45. I decided to leave around six in the afternoon, as it only takes a good hour or two of speeding to make it from Long Beach to San Diego. The fast and constant driving made my car stressed, however, and it needed gas by the time I got to Oceanside. I thought “This is cool, I got enough money to pay for it”. I slide in my credit card into the machine and it was denied.

I was screwed. I don’t get paid my cash until next week, and my credit card is probably maxed out. This left me to do something I didn’t want to do at all throughout the duration of my new life: I had to call my parents for help. My generous parents gladly accepted to help, and they wired me some money that wouldn’t go into my account until 24 hours later, new Wells Fargo rules. So since I couldn’t use the gas money they sent me, I had to scrounge what little cash I had in my car to pay or a few gallons of expensive California gas, and I managed to make it home to change and head to work in good timing.

Working in San Diego is much different from Vegas. You have to find parking on the street or in the parking structures, as there is no assigned parking for employees in downtown. This forces people to desperately park on running meters, illegal parking in red zones, or ignore street signs and properly park in yellow zones, like what I did. Since my dumbass self decided to park on the street, I ran the huge risk of getting my car towed because of the piece of shit marathon that was happening that morning in San Diego.

Anyways, the club I work at is one of the more popular clubs among locals for electronic and house music in San Diego. The club essentially a tinier version of Marquee Nightclub. Doing security at the club isn’t anything spectacular, and it is like working back home in Vegas, only with shorter hours because all bars in California close at two in the morning. The first night of work was pretty eventful, we had a lot of crowd control to do, a few chicks throwing up, a fight on the streets, and some dude who was selling drugs. The security I was working with were all very proficient and knew what they were doing, so I’m happy to work with a good group of bouncers.

After the night was over, all the guys kind of hung out for a bit, and I decided to head down to the Hard Rock since I got a call from their manager. I met with him and he told me he still wanted me to work for them, so I was happy for that. Potential two jobs maybe?

After the Hard Rock, it was time for me to go home, or so I thought. I remember walking up the street of downtown San Diego and seeing a forest of yellow lights from this towing company called C and D Towing, and they were towing literally five cars at a time from the street.

Five damn cars. These guys tow cars away by the bulk, they definitely don't mess around here.

I accepted the fact that my car was probably towed and I quickly walked to where my car was. Noticing it was gone, I called the San Diego Police Department dispatch to find out where the car was, and the dispatcher (who had an extremely sexy voice) was very comforting in telling me how to get to where my car is. I called the towing company and realized I am dealing with an entirely different monster in these guys, as the lady essentially wanted me to kill myself by “Walking through the shady area of town”.

Whore.

I decided to walk for about three miles, which took me about an hour, through the roughest area of San Diego. The things I saw during my walk is as follows: • A skinny gay homeless guy running up to an escalade and soliciting themselves to the car, and then running after me trying to ask me a question. I had to tell him to piss off or else I’d beat their ass, and they stopped on their track. • An army of homeless people sleeping on the sidewalks with their tents pitched and shopping cars near by, littered all over National avenue. I’ve seen homeless people sleep and pitch tents before, but I’ve never seen an entire street filled with them. It was like the city decided they could just sleep all over this area and nowhere else. • Two young gangster kids walking out of what looked like an abandoned house. They were talking on the phone and started following me a bit, asking the guy on their phone “Where you at? Yeah I’m ready for the stuff”. Next thing a know a guy came, picked them up, and they drove off pretty quick. I should have gone back to that house, maybe I could have found a nice brick there. • Right under the highway of National Avenue is a gorgeous park detailing the history of Mexican and Indian culture. It was probably one of the most beautiful parks I’ve seen, and the fact it was located in such a shitty area of the city was disheartening but made me smile at the fact that there is some beauty in the worst of areas. • I almost got jumped by three dogs in a Mexican auto shop. • There was some kind of drug trade going on in the top floor of this one apartment complex. • After seeing a few tow trucks driving by, I realized I was almost there, and quickly picked up my pace through the rest of the street which was littered with nothing but Mexican music which was still being played in two in the morning. I keep forgetting that Mexicans never sleep.

Upon my arrival of the towing I quickly realized just how messed up this city really is, as there was probably a line of thirty people standing outside the office. The city of San Diego literally just told this towing company to “Tow away each and every car without warning”. I overheard someone in the line said they towed away something around 90 to 100 cars, and it costs a little over $300 to bail out your car. Doing the math in my head, I realized this company is making about $27,000 to $30,000 on this night a lone. What an easy living.

“NO!!! GIVE ME MY CAR BACK!!!! I NEED MY CAR YOU BITCH!!!” was what took me to break my focus from my algebra lesson in my head. Some young black girl started flipping out in the office for about five minutes because the tow company didn’t have her car yet.

“Ma’am, if you don’t stop yelling, we’ll send the cops on you”.

“SEND THE COPS THEN!!! I DON'T CARE!!!”

This is the first five minutes of me being at this towing station. This is going to be a long night.

Out of nowhere, three or four cop cars quickly drove onto the parking lot of the towing area as if someone got shot around the corner. Everyone watched the cops walk out and head to one of the employees of the towing company, and while they were talking, they turned their lights on over to my general direction. I didn’t know why they were shining their light on me, but a little bit after that, the cops walked right towards me and said “Sir, take our hands out of your pocket and don’t resist”.

I was speechless, I knew I didn’t do anything wrong, all I did was walk from downtown into the tow station! What did I do to get arrested?

A little bit after, the employee shouted, “No not him! The one next to him!”

The cops were like “Oh, my bad”, left me a lone, and quickly put handcuffs on the right guy.

What. The. Hell did I just get myself into?

I find out a little after that the guy threatened the employees and threw a brick over the gate, giving the police good enough reason to arrest him. Fair I guess, I wouldn’t want some guy doing that shit in my work.

I wait for another few hours, and a group of four guys speaking in the Iraqi dialect rolled up. They were joking around right away, typical Iraqi style, so I started talking to them. They owned a shawarma restaurant right next to my work, and told me about the good locations for all the Iraqi people in San Diego. We talked about work and life, typical Iraqi style with jokes and insults. It made the wait fly by quicker, it didn’t take long for my turn to come up into the teller line. I gave them my information and my registration, and the lady was thankfully a little nice about everything, up until I was supposed to pay for the car.

I have no money. I am broke in San Diego, I am broke for the next few weeks. I couldn’t even afford $30 for gas, I remembered, and now I can’t afford to pay $300 to bail out my car.

I was screwed. It is 4 in the morning and I had no one to call to help me out in San Diego. If this was Vegas, I would go straight to a casino, force a hooker to give me some money, and then pay my way out of this, but I’m not in Vegas any more, and I’m trying to live a new life.

I have no money, and I’m broke in San Diego, one of the most expensive cities in the USA.

I had to call my parents one more time, and tell them my situation, and they quickly scrambled their way into getting everything together. Unfortunately I couldn’t get their money until eight at night, and my apartment in San Diego was nearly fifteen miles away from the towing station. It would take me the whole day to walk to back home. The only solution was to find an open western union, where no one knew where it was.

I had to wait. It was four in the morning, and the union in Vegas doesn’t open until nine. My car got towed around 12:00, which means I will be homeless for nearly five hours and counting. I finally understood the life of a homeless bum, and it sucked. I couldn’t do anything, and I spent my time walking around bridges and random corners of the area. I found a nice little gulch where all the homeless of the area hang out, and they were all sleeping in their sleeping bags. I thought about curling up with them for a second, but quickly scratched that thought out of my head.

I started walking around a little more and contemplated suicide. I thought that I had everything set for my life already, I thought I had enough money saved and everything was going to be a steady uphill climb for the rest of my life, but after this simple thing of getting my car towed, everything just started coming down on me. What is the purpose of me being independent when I don’t even have money to pay for gas? What am I doing by myself when I make intentional decisions to get my car towed? I am a worthless piece of shit human being, I am a loser, I am nothing but part of the worst scum of the Earth.

I looked at the homeless people and realized I am one of them now. They made bad decisions, couldn’t live a healthy life, and are now forced to sleep under a bridge. I always figured to kill myself before something like that happens to me, and here I am.

I started to cry for about fifteen minutes. I never cried that hard in my life.

My phone started ringing and my dad was on the other line. He heard my sobbing and told me to man up quickly, forced me to act better. I apologized to him for doing this for me and he said this is his duty in life, that he needed to help me out because I am his son. I told him it’s not fair for him to do this and I shouldn’t be in this position at all, and he told me this is something I have to go through. He told me people always go through rough times and that I am no acception. I told him that I shouldn’t do this thing in San Diego, that I should just get a job in Vegas again and not doing anything, and he told me to just shut up.

Some times I think God will pose as people you’re most comforted to and convince you He will always be on your side.

I quickly snapped out of my emotional state and started walking on the normal street. After about an hour or two hours of walking, I saw a western union.

God does exist.

I called my parents, told them about the union, and they quickly sent out the money I needed to bail out my car. I ran back to the tow station, and met with the absolute monstrous employees of the towing station who all had absolutely no care for human life, proceeded to pay for my car, and drove off quickly without a look back at the hell I was just in.

I drove up town to San Diego State University where there was a nearby Lebanese flat bread restaurant whose owner I was in comfortable terms with. I walked into the restaurant and was met with a Lebanese man who was busy organizing the restaurant. I helped him organize the chairs and restaurants, and told him my story of the night. He was pretty astonished, and about ten or fifteen minutes later, he made my order of cheese and zaatar on the flat bread with some water. I paid for the food and walked out, but he made me come back and gave me my money back, saying “I want you to have a better day than what you already have”.

Some times have an easy life if they do everything right and don’t break any rules. Some times people can do a simple infraction and will suffer an extreme reprecaution for their mistakes. After this night, I realized that there are two extremes in this world. God has given me an opportunity to live this life I have chosen, and He purposefully made it so I realize it is not going to be an easy life. I am blessed for having a great family around me, and after my encounters with both the law enforcement and gracious Lebanese people of San Diego, I noticed that this is where my personal character will be catered.

The first night of the rest of my life has ended, and I should be happy I get to sleep in a bed.

Comments

Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 10:09 a.m.

AminM--simply excellent story telling!!! Thanks for sharing.

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nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 12:03 p.m.

wow!!!...Roody is ssooooooooo right!!!

this looks like a neighborhood blog winner 4 June

looks like a 1st prize to me...if u win u can get ur car out

good luck

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jemsd June 5, 2012 @ 1:08 p.m.

"I was screwed. It is 4 in the morning and I had no one to call to help me out in San Diego. If this was Vegas, I would go straight to a casino, force a hooker to give me some money, and then pay my way out of this, but I’m not in Vegas any more, and I’m trying to live a new life"

R2S and Nan; usually I very much enjoy your comments as well as the stories you post. I, however, cannot believe that you would let the writer get away with the part of his story I have pasted above. At first I thought the writer was just trying to be funny but upon reading it in context to his overall story, I'm pretty sure he was serious. Just curious what you think? Looking forward to reading both of your blogs in the future; his, not so much.

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Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 2:45 p.m.

JemSD, thanks for reading my work--I appreciate it.

Gotta admit, my eyebrows went up at that part, too. But, I've mentored some good people who've made some bad choices and know it's not my place to judge, (and trust me--I've got lots to say on the socio-economics of prostitution--gay or straight, let alone with male dominance and abuse). No matter who the author is or what his real story in fact is, he has somethings others don't have--a caring responsive family with the financial security to assist him in times of need. There are many people who don't and even if they did would never have made the call he did--for whatever their reasons. It obviously humbled him to do so. Regardless, as the writer noted, "I’m not in Vegas any more, and I’m trying to live a new life." Good enough for me as a reader. And that's all I am and ever will be behind this screen. Not a mother, mentor, teacher or preacher. Just an everyday reader.

As such, I try to read postings here as what they are--stories and to support/highlight the good. The part you highlight is really no different than say this one: "A skinny gay homeless guy running up to an escalade and soliciting themselves to the car, and then running after me trying to ask me a question. I had to tell him to piss off or else I’d beat their ass, and they stopped on their track." Again, hints of physical aggression and intimidation that I chose not to take personally. This is HIS story after all, not mine. It was my prerogative to read it and had I not liked it's content, I could have just as easily chosen not to.

It wasn't the content or even the technique but his knack for story telling that captured my attention. There are certainly editorial suggestions I would make to the author (upon request only) so that it might qualify as a winner--too, many technical glitches as it currently stands, in my opinion. But, as a story, I do think it's got potential and given the fact that only pieces related to SD's neighborhoods are in the running, I think he's got a good shot should he bother to clean and tighten the piece up a bit.

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nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 6:31 p.m.

are u saying this isn't fiction jemsd

it never occurred to me that it was anything but fiction of a narcissistic sociopathy genre

there was just 2 much about the scenario that made it seem far from realistic...and the writing was quick tenacious and sharp...attention getting...it pushed the character on..thru so many tangents i couldn't even possibly consider it REAL

just interesting run on writing with some modicum of REAL talent

JMO

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Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 7:37 p.m.

lol--I didn't read it as fiction at all, Nan. Doesn't matter though, does it? Even if its creative non fiction, he still is entitled to his own story as well as to creative license. My personal opinion of him as a person, of of this character is it is fictional is irrelevant. The blog contest is about neighborhood storytelling, no? Shoot--people said the same thing about so many legendary writers--that they were racists, violent sexists, etc. I mean-even if it had been intended to be fictional, the first fictional piece the Reader did select as a monthly winner was highly objectionable to some readers. And then there's Dadler's entire butt story...geesh...where is Steven Tyler when you need him? So much we all write about isn't possibly gonna float everyone's boat.

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jemsd June 5, 2012 @ 7:58 p.m.

Dadler's,,, Huh? His butt is entirely off topic and I want to know where I go to file a formal protest?

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Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 8:03 p.m.

lol Nan can find you the link to his Butt story--which IS fiction. I wouldn't know where to file any sort of 'protest'--not my area. Other than just daring to hit on the "Suggest Removal" link blinking at you from just beneath my words.

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nan shartel June 6, 2012 @ 8:29 a.m.

just look up"rear window" and u'll be there

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Jay Allen Sanford June 5, 2012 @ 3:59 p.m.

I read this a few hours ago and wasn't going to comment, but seeing the subsequent complimentary comments baffled and vexed me to the point where I had to come back and say something.

The aggressive tone of the author practically screams "sociopath." Even if you ignore the repeated urges to be violent that he expresses, what about calling a complete stranger/voice on the phone a "whore" and making an overtly racist statement like "I keep forgetting that Mexicans never sleep." WTF?? If stuff like that was intended to be "funny," I can find nothing else in the entire story, not one phrase or passage, that confirms "humor" even exists in this person's irksome personality.

The author whines, threatens, bitches, throws out worthless (and sometimes ignorant) "observations" that are stated without a hint of irony or finesse, and constantly blames everyone and everything but himself for his increasingly pathetic (and self-made) situations.

He really thinks being away from his car for a few hours gives him insight into what it's like to be homeless?! As someone who's BEEN homeless, with NO family to send me cash multiple times via Western Union, I find that ridiculous and insulting.

If the thing had at least been artfully written, perhaps with SOME attempt at self-examination or revelation, I would be more tolerant. I'm usually the person 'round here digging only for the most positive and encouraging things to say about stories submitted via the Reader blogs.

But this piece? A prize winner?!?! Only if the prize is a trophy inscribed "Most Likely To Be Imprisoned For Violent Offenses Against Innocent Bystanders."

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nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 6:49 p.m.

hey mister u've written and graphed some very dark edgy stuff...how is that any different???

so it was 2 dimensional and hurried...it was fictional...a decent (altho indecent) first attempted

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Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 6:58 p.m.

Only you, Nan, could get away with hey Mister-ing Jay. That's funny stuff.

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nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 7:05 p.m.

hahahahahaha...i love JAS and his work...he know i'm just funnin' him

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Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 6:53 p.m.

Strong feelings there, Jay, and I agree with lots of what you are saying. Lots. Gotta say though, it's not like in my year here I haven't seen other postings like this. In fact, there have been much worse. There was one guy who post after post was full of foul mouthed homophobic horrible bitter nastiness. I finally hit that "Suggest Removal" link and haven't seen much of him since. Guessing the Reader staff took attention. You'd know more about how it works down there than I would, but it seems to me that the standards pertaining to topic let alone style or format for posting--let alone for winning--are rather loose. Intentionally, I'm guessing.

Guess I prefer to hope that authors posting here are posting for a reason, i.e. they want to write, get feed back on their writing, and possibly even make some money by writing a winning blog post some day. Constructive criticism received may encourage bloggers to be better writers. I know that in my case reader comments about my actually posts have helped me lots. And, I write for a living which I'm certain not all here can claim.

Although I regret to disappoint you and jemsd, I --can't speak for Nan--stand by my original comment--that he's got potential as a story teller (if not a monthly winner) regardless of whether the trails of his first night here in SD may seem...comparably...much less dramatic by our life experiences than they felt to him. Just maybe he'll do some editing based on our collective comments--if he's serious enough. Maybe he won't because he's not. Maybe he'll never post again. Maybe he'll begin posting elsewhere and become the next Norman Mailer (yikes--now there's a famed male writer of sexist brutish characters if you ask me)--who knows.

I'm a reader, not a contest judge. I've read entire series of related postings whose subject matter I might have personal opinions about. None of that mattered (to me) because the writing--as well as the storytelling-- was top notch. There are other posts--some written by women even--that I just could not bring myself to finish reading, no matter how well written they were--because of subject matter or tone. Some whom you really liked. SO...don't know what else to say other than without stricter content or language standards that the Reader actually monitors it would seem to me that it's the ...nature of the beast, no?

1

nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 6:57 p.m.

i agree...he has writing talent R2S...and i think it's fiction and that allows him to take the scenery far afield of good taste

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nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 7 p.m.

u don't disappoint me R2S...and it'd be unimportant if u did

1

jemsd June 5, 2012 @ 7:15 p.m.

I appreciate your comments. It may be only four paragraphs but there's a sh&%load worth of wisdom there.

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Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 7:39 p.m.

Only 4! lol A wiser person and better writer could have said all that in one.

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jemsd June 5, 2012 @ 5:28 p.m.

R2S, Thank you for your feedback and all those wonderful wonderful words!! I appreciate it that you took the time to break it down like that. I think that we'll just have to agree to disagree regarding comparing the writer yelling threats at some weenie in the park to him wishing he was back in Vegas so he could 'force' some 'hooker' to give him money. I think that's probably robbery and assault in most states. And I am assuming ( probably wrongly) that he is not gonna hurt her ( hey, he said force). I think jayallen was pretty well on the mark. My honest opinion ( and it's just mine) is that the writer has roots in the Middle East and likely hails from Iraq. Many wonderful things ( I'm sure) come from Iraq but I doubt they have many women taxi drivers or CFO's. Anyway my point is it's a story with a cultural slant and that's great. You can read his story and make up your own mind. My mind says when a story labels women as hookers and whores, I'll read the story but consider the source. Anyway keep writing R2S, I always look forward to them.

1

nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 6:53 p.m.

bringing someones national origins into the comments and their character has gotten many people in trouble because it is merely speculative

yeah R2S is a superlative mature writer ...don't stop reading her or JAS...they are very special writers here at the READER!

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jemsd June 5, 2012 @ 7:03 p.m.

I understand what you are saying. Thanks

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nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 7:07 p.m.

hey hunny...love that u have a strong righteous opinions...continue to voice ur thoughts here at the READER...we love ppl who do that!!!

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jemsd June 5, 2012 @ 7:02 p.m.

Honestly, I do not see fiction at all in this article. I will tell you that if the story WAS fiction, than I totally did not "get it". I think it was simply an adventure that he had and, I will say, he told his story very well. I just thought he was a douchebag ( again, just my opinion). It's funny cause, I'm a dude, but his choice of words just prompted me to comment. I'm hoping that he replies and "graces" us with his x-planation.

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Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 7:51 p.m.

I'm hoping he doesn't since he doesn't have to justify himself as a person to the likes of us. (I DO hope he edits his story a bit though--for HIS sake, though, not to mollify our delicate sensitivities.) I'm glad that as males you and Jay reacted to the part you reacted to. Be a nicer world all around if more men did find offense in aggression toward women--no matter what their line of work, if people in general found physical aggression and intimidation of anyone offensive. And whether or not we LIKE the author as he/she portrays themselves, (and I know for a fact that there are some who write under several pseudonyms), or their characters is irrelevant to the point of the blog. It's a contest, this is--the best monthly neighborhood stories--so deemed by the Reader judges--wins. Doesn't matter how much of a prick or a prude someone appears to be...what's it to us? I mean, truly. Schmucks are a dime a dozen. Schmucks in transition to becoming human's like the rest of us, even more so.

1

nan shartel June 5, 2012 @ 7:08 p.m.

douchebag works...i never thought he was anything else...but i did think he had writing talent

and i thought he was very very young

go read this one if u want to read a REAL prize winner jemsd

0

aminmachine June 5, 2012 @ 7:17 p.m.

Appreciate the feedback everyone, got a lot of mixed feelings about this story and I'm not gonna argue about anything. I wrote this story as a blog post for my friends back home in Vegas who are all interested in the progression of my new life out here in San Diego. I picked up The Reader a while back and wanted to contribute some of my new stories to it, so I decided to post the story I wrote onto here. However, the story that you are reading on this website is very censored as compared to my real post. I couldn't keep the constant F-bombs that was common in the original story.

I guess since everyone is curious as to if this is fiction or not, I will state that it is non-fiction, but I had to over exaggerate a lot of the situations for the sake of story telling. In a sense, a lot of this is written in a kind of nostalgic state of mind, and I only appreciate if the story is written with an open mind and some understanding. I'm not gonna take the time to argue anyone's point of view for my story and my experience, I just need to apologize if I did come out as prejudice and racist, because that was certainly not my intention at all. Being of Iraqi decent, I have gone through my fair share of prejudice, and it would not be fair for me to even treat people the same way. I only wrote the things I did for the sake of the story.

Once again I appreciate everyone's feedback!

1

Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 7:58 p.m.

Good response! Bravo, you Iraqi storyteller, you. Not that this is necessarily the best forum for private blogging, but if storytelling IS your thing, as I suspected it might be, then do continue posting. And as someone here very wisely recently suggested to me in a very polite/subtle way, maybe sit on your stories a day or two, rereading, editing, trimming, tightening prior to posting. May make all the difference in the world. :)

OH--and thanks for enduring our discussion. Must have been quite a shock to you.

1

Ruth Newell June 5, 2012 @ 8:18 p.m.

And--really--your picture is scaring me seeing it up there so many times. Didn't really help your cause here. lol

0

aminmachine June 5, 2012 @ 9:25 p.m.

I'll change it promptly, and thank you for the editing advice, I'll definitely make use of this while posting on a public blog :)

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aminmachine June 5, 2012 @ 9:50 p.m.

There's not much I can do when it comes to people's opinions. I know my personality and writing can come off strong some times but I know who I am and I don't really have to step onto people's shoes when they are discussing about me. If anything, everyone's opinions will just show how I need to change up some of my structure to fit into this community's liking!

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nan shartel June 6, 2012 @ 8:03 a.m.

NKOTB....just started yesterday eh

most of the neighborhood winners have been one hit wonders who just show up once to get some fast cash and are never are seen again

that's why i made my first comment...

u have talent...thx 4 posting this non fictional(i guess) piece

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aminmachine June 6, 2012 @ 2:25 p.m.

Thank you for reading, and I'm hoping to not be a one hit wonder after seeing how The Reader's community works. It's like a workshop for bloggers and writers and I'll hope to take full advantage of everyone's insights. Thank you for the feedback nan :)

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nan shartel June 6, 2012 @ 2:41 p.m.

it's a wonderful place anime...i've seen writers here (bloggers) become paid READERS writers...

and other writers here are very supportive...even the web administrators are kind and helpful

i'll add u to my watch list and keep my eye pealed 4 more pieces from u...u DO have talent!!!....best Nan

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Jake Peterson June 10, 2012 @ 5:58 p.m.

I must say that I enjoyed the hell out of this story, brother. It was filled with many emotions and great detail. Listen to Nan and R2S, they're very supportive and talented.

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Evelyn June 15, 2012 @ 2:31 p.m.

hmmm, how is having a stroke of bad luck, seemingly caused by one's self lead to a suicidal thought? i think it's a rather big jump... and if what the others are saying, is true (personally, i didn't see the sociopathic tendencies) then the writer seems to be rather narcissistic, life alteringly so. If not that, then perhaps a mood disorder... Amin, if these mood swings are really common in your life, let me suggest u talk with a professional about them.

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