Jay Allen Sanford 9:31 p.m., Sept. 30
- Community Blog
I was my own ill-fitting puzzle piece an hour ago. After reading something powerful, something so unbelievably moving, the resonation sent vibrations through me that shook my entire being just enough to feel that click, that settlement right into me. The alignment of my mind, heart, body, soul and spirit finally became fully integrated, no more blurry edges, no more double, triple vision. All that exists in this very moment are fine, defined lines, one frame, one outline, one me. Even looking in the mirror is surprising, I look different to myself, I look centered, clear, and whole.
I am in love with someone, or maybe I just love him and the "with'" may not exist. Regardless, the fact that my heart once felt as if it was completely bled dry, devoid of the strength to even love myself and has regenerated is amazing, painful, freeing, and ethereal. It started anew, replenished itself, strengthening as it learned to love itself again and then opened up like a deep velvety rose to love another. I did not intend to love anyone in an intimate way, consciously, but I am so grateful for it. It is incredible, fantastic, and perfect in all of its potentiality for heartbreak and unrequited love. That just makes me smile, is it masochistic or ecstasy in the ability to feel anything so deeply...I vote for the latter.
Life is not a simple balance of two scales, one opposing or balancing out the other. It's like a table covered in open mason jars with water pouring from above, all over the table, some filling completely, some barely holding any at all. Some are toppling over, clinking with those next to them. There is no weighing, there is no dependence of one upon another, there just IS. All of them are wet, all different and all of them are something, not lacking in any way. They are a drip full, half full, full-full. But, really, even if one is empty, it is full of air and that is still FULL. Our cups runeth over, sometimes with something that can be seen and sometimes with something that is intangible, but it all feeds our bodies, minds, hearts, spirits and souls and gives us life and life is beauti-full. Cheers!