Jay Allen Sanford 7 p.m., May 28
- Community Blog
- Normal Heights Through the Blue and White
A cause de SDaniels, I have finally Discovered the Object Cause of my Desire...And there It goes again.
I sit, enraged, and stare at the madness that stands before me! Why must this continue? Must I remain so sorely vexed by the craigslist costume scandal of twenty-aught-nine (2009)? I just want answers.
Moving on. Runner-Up incoming:
A novel use of craigslist, you say? Recovering stolen vehicles outside the realm of classified ads, you might suggest? The hell you say! Ironic, you venture, that the stolen van might appear on the self-same message board when the thief's palms begin to burn?
Most certainly, I say.
And to the victor goes the spoils:1
Not in the 'hood, but too cool to pass on. Plus, the use of the word "normal" in the ad is more than cool enough to make up for its unacceptable locale.
Who am I apologizing to here, anyways? This is my blog--I do what I want!
As there has been a spate of acronyms in mine and other blogs lately, I begin:
Like I said, a proper ballpit requires literally thousands of balls if you're going to fit any reasonable number (at least 8) of adults in there. 93 (too bad about the seven (7) lost to "normal attrition") is far too few, but certainly a noble start.
The more I look at it, this is an extremely noble ad in and of itself. Great picture coupled with clear, concise descriptions of the object for sale. Fairly priced, with a ridiculously intricate system for making the exchange should a sale take place. Everybody take note: when you want to sell something, make the ad look like this one. It will work for you.
Humor is also much in evidence. To wit:
"A few of them have a minor dent but I'm pretty sure they came that way. I did not individually sanitize them, but they were gently played with indoors in a large cardboard box. They do not have anything gross on them like sticky old food or poop or cat barf. I cannot promise that they have not been sucked on at some point."
Seriously, how could I possibly spin this to improve? There is now way. This ad is perfect on its own. It is not within my power to elucidate the sellers' true motives or to descry the secrets concealed in the subtext of this particular ad. It is so....pure. Perhaps this is the for sale ad as such, the ultimate object, the perfect petit a that I have been searching for in my craigslisting, futilely chasing some always receding dream ad for miles and miles along the information superhighway.
What little insecurity, what perceived lack, which thing is it that will make me whole in my quest for craigslist perfection? Could it be "93 plastic balls for ball pit?" Is this that thing which I have always known is out there, somewhere on the interwebs, for which I have been searching? Is my journey at an end?
Hahahaha! Of course not. I've been knee deep in classified ads since I could read. I'm not quitting any time soon. My desire to read the ads is perfect inasmuch as it sustains itself. Each ad leads to new, more wonderful ads. The costume mystery will never be resolved and, no matter how cool they are, "93 plastic balls for ball pit" are not the End of Craigslist.
They do remind me of one hell of a party though...
1. Infinite street cred, natch!
2. Far And Away The Best Party I Ever Went To Was At A Ramshackle Warehouse In Charlestown, Massachusetts. Whoever Was Living There Had Converted The Sprawling, Decrepit Space Into A Miraculous Funhouse Come Rave Discotheque. It Was The Coolest Place I've Ever Seen And There Was An Enormous Ballpit In Which I Spent A Good Hour Of My Life Merely Lounging In The Remarkably Supportive And Comfortable Confines Of Thousands Of Orange-Sized Plastic Balls.
More like this:
- But Now, The Truth Is Out! — Dec. 4, 2009
- A Relentless Tide of Nausea — Nov. 30, 2009
- Robin Leach, You've Sunk So Low... — Nov. 1, 2009
- Fare Thee Well, Sweet October, With Your Pumpkins, Brisk Days, And Costumed Ne'erdowells! — Oct. 31, 2009
- Guaranteed To Still Be Around In 100 Years — Oct. 29, 2009