I sit, enraged, and stare at the madness that stands before me! Why must this continue? Must I remain so sorely vexed by the craigslist costume scandal of twenty-aught-nine (2009)? I just want answers.

Moving on. Runner-Up incoming:

STOLEN: VW Vanagon Weekender - $1 (Normal Heights)

A novel use of craigslist, you say? Recovering stolen vehicles outside the realm of classified ads, you might suggest? The hell you say! Ironic, you venture, that the stolen van might appear on the self-same message board when the thief's palms begin to burn?

Most certainly, I say.

And to the victor goes the spoils:1

93 plastic balls for ball pit - $10 (UTC or Solana Beach)

Not in the 'hood, but too cool to pass on. Plus, the use of the word "normal" in the ad is more than cool enough to make up for its unacceptable locale.

Who am I apologizing to here, anyways? This is my blog--I do what I want!

As there has been a spate of acronyms in mine and other blogs lately, I begin:

FAATBPIEWTWAARWICMWWLTHCTSDPIAMFCRDITTCPIE SATWEBIWISAGHOMLMLITRSACCOTOOSPB.2

Like I said, a proper ballpit requires literally thousands of balls if you're going to fit any reasonable number (at least 8) of adults in there. 93 (too bad about the seven (7) lost to "normal attrition") is far too few, but certainly a noble start.

The more I look at it, this is an extremely noble ad in and of itself. Great picture coupled with clear, concise descriptions of the object for sale. Fairly priced, with a ridiculously intricate system for making the exchange should a sale take place. Everybody take note: when you want to sell something, make the ad look like this one. It will work for you.

Humor is also much in evidence. To wit:

"A few of them have a minor dent but I'm pretty sure they came that way. I did not individually sanitize them, but they were gently played with indoors in a large cardboard box. They do not have anything gross on them like sticky old food or poop or cat barf. I cannot promise that they have not been sucked on at some point."

Seriously, how could I possibly spin this to improve? There is now way. This ad is perfect on its own. It is not within my power to elucidate the sellers' true motives or to descry the secrets concealed in the subtext of this particular ad. It is so....pure. Perhaps this is the for sale ad as such, the ultimate object, the perfect petit a that I have been searching for in my craigslisting, futilely chasing some always receding dream ad for miles and miles along the information superhighway.

What little insecurity, what perceived lack, which thing is it that will make me whole in my quest for craigslist perfection? Could it be "93 plastic balls for ball pit?" Is this that thing which I have always known is out there, somewhere on the interwebs, for which I have been searching? Is my journey at an end?

Hahahaha! Of course not. I've been knee deep in classified ads since I could read. I'm not quitting any time soon. My desire to read the ads is perfect inasmuch as it sustains itself. Each ad leads to new, more wonderful ads. The costume mystery will never be resolved and, no matter how cool they are, "93 plastic balls for ball pit" are not the End of Craigslist.

They do remind me of one hell of a party though...


1. Infinite street cred, natch!

2. Far And Away The Best Party I Ever Went To Was At A Ramshackle Warehouse In Charlestown, Massachusetts. Whoever Was Living There Had Converted The Sprawling, Decrepit Space Into A Miraculous Funhouse Come Rave Discotheque. It Was The Coolest Place I've Ever Seen And There Was An Enormous Ballpit In Which I Spent A Good Hour Of My Life Merely Lounging In The Remarkably Supportive And Comfortable Confines Of Thousands Of Orange-Sized Plastic Balls.

Comments

CuddleFish Oct. 26, 2009 @ 11:40 p.m.

Nottin is what it seems to be ...

Coulda been Bob that said that.

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SDaniels Oct. 27, 2009 @ 12:18 a.m.

Oh my god, with this first one, you click on it, and the costumed praying-mantis-legged girls just sort of scuttle across the page from left to right, like saucy, sexy roaches!

Sexy roaches?! [...]

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SDaniels Oct. 27, 2009 @ 12:20 a.m.

"It Was The Coolest Place I've Ever Seen And There Was An Enormous Ballpit In Which I Spent A Good Hour Of My Life Merely Lounging In The Remarkably Supportive And Comfortable Confines Of Thousands Of Orange-Sized Plastic Balls."

You've been to the other side, Pike! We are glad you did not follow the light, or the trail of orange-sized plastic balls ;)

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SDaniels Oct. 27, 2009 @ 12:22 a.m.

"to normal attrition." Hmm. Let's be a bit more specific, shall we? NO, let's not. :)

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SDaniels Oct. 27, 2009 @ 12:24 a.m.

"FAATBPIEWTWAARWICMWWLTHCTSDPIAMFCRDITTCPIE SATWEBIWISAGHOMLMLITRSACCOTOOSPB.2"

My cap is duly doffed to what must have been a most devastating performance piece here.

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Adam92102 Oct. 27, 2009 @ 12:31 a.m.

Too bad. I only like my balls with old food, poop, or cat barf on them. And what a coincidence, I can't promise mine have been sucked on either. Okay, fine, I can. Anyway. I'm just glad my balls aren't blue or look like the never-ending scarf in a clown's pocket. Then again, if they did, at least it might help explain why I'm single.

Hmm. I wonder if this comment will get deleted.....

I really don't know what else to say. I mean, I could make a comment that an ad poster on CL actually knew what "attrition" meant and could even used it in a witty manner. Or I could completely agree with Pike that the ad actually is perfect. Either way, after the comment about my balls (and fortunately I only have two or else things would be quite crowded), well, I got nothin'.

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SDaniels Oct. 27, 2009 @ 1:03 a.m.

"I cannot promise that they have not been sucked on at some point.

[...]

Perhaps this is the for sale ad as such, the ultimate object, the perfect petit a that I have been searching for in my craigslisting, futilely chasing some always receding dream ad for miles and miles along the information superhighway."

You and Beckett, searching that “stone”:

Read the 'sucking stones' passage?

http://www.samuel-beckett.net/molloy1.html

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SDaniels Oct. 27, 2009 @ 1:05 a.m.

"...or look like the never-ending scarf in a clown's pocket."

Well, Adam. Balls & pockets. We did it again! Was it good for you? ;)

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CuddleFish Oct. 27, 2009 @ 4:53 a.m.

FAATBPIEWTWAARWICMWWLTHCTSDPIAMFCRDITTCPIE SATWEBIWISAGHOMLMLITRSACCOTOOSPB.2

  1. Far And Away The Best Party I Ever Went To Was At A Ramshackle Warehouse In Charlestown, Massachusetts. Whoever Was Living There Had Converted The Sprawling, Decrepit Space Into A Miraculous Funhouse Come Rave Discotheque. It Was The Coolest Place I've Ever Seen And There Was An Enormous Ballpit In Which I Spent A Good Hour Of My Life Merely Lounging In The Remarkably Supportive And Comfortable Confines Of Thousands Of Orange-Sized Plastic Balls.

Got two errors in your acronym, BTW. Guess that's why most people keep these things a tad shorter and punchier. ;)

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CuddleFish Oct. 27, 2009 @ 4:55 a.m.

Well, Adam. Balls & pockets. We did it again! Was it good for you? ;)

By SDaniels 1:05 a.m., Oct 27, 2009

Who won the pool tournament pool???

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SDaniels Oct. 27, 2009 @ 5:45 a.m.

"Got two errors in your acronym, BTW"

Ouch! :)

Extreme pocket pool! Beckett won the round with stones, and Adam/Pike came in tied for orange plastic balls! ;)

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CuddleFish Oct. 27, 2009 @ 8:51 a.m.

LOLOLOL! I've heard of blue balls, I'd pay to see orange balls!

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SDaniels Oct. 27, 2009 @ 9:27 a.m.

re: #12: Aren't they a rainbow of splendor at McDonaldland? ;)

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antigeekess Oct. 27, 2009 @ 1:06 p.m.

Daniels wondered: "to normal attrition." Hmm. Let's be a bit more specific, shall we? NO, let's not. :)

They could be anywhere...

http://www.slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/images/xrays.2.jpg

"Well, doc, you ain't gonna believe this, but..."

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CuddleFish Oct. 27, 2009 @ 1:12 p.m.

Either that or I'd like to know the address of that MickeyD's to stay away from it!!

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antigeekess Oct. 27, 2009 @ 2:01 p.m.

"I'd call that abnormal attrition!!"

LOL. So would I, Cuddle!

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Joe Poutous Oct. 27, 2009 @ 2:02 p.m.

"LOLOLOL! I've heard of blue balls, I'd pay to see orange balls!"

careful what you ask for!

http://abaltimoreblock.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/george-hamilton.jpg

  • Joe
0

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