Now I know what John Brizzolara was talking about all this time, you may feel like a patron somewhere in a comfy bar, drinking a beer and making good conversation with friends you recognize. What if you feel like you belong yet no one will come up to you and say hi or strike a conversation with you? A wise man once said, Wherever you go there you are. It brings some light into my schizophrenia in good way. My indecisiveness is getting the better part of me right now. Feelings like this make me wish I was still hanging out with a few good friends of mine. I just wish people could understand me for who I am and not what I should become. How would Johnny B. deal with this anxiety? Become indecisive or just go with the flow? I am like a stone as Chris Cornell would sing. Yet I want to imagine a world without a line dividing our human race like John Lennon said.

Watching 2012 a few times in a row got me thinking, Maybe Sci-Fi authors have all the fun, even in the Darkest of times. The charicter of Jackson Curtis gave me inspriation to write. When I put my neck on a chopping block this past week I realized who my real friends were and who are not. Sure I will bite the hand that feeds me, only to realize if I am on the street again it would kill me. Looking the pale horse in the face is not for the faint of heart. The four horsemen may beckon but if I can change the world for the better I am sure I could quell their rampaging stomp across this miserable world. I know the difference between needs and wants thanks to my father yet I’m still a beer bound booze hound addicted to smoking as well. I have been dual-diagnosed with having schizophrenia which means I also as have a substance abuse problem. So now that I am typing out my mind I just hope you can respect me.