These unrealistic expectations I form from within this deficient position I’m in, leave me with nothing but hopeless anticipation for the creation of a stable foundation where termination is put to this endless rotation of that same tired explanation

I wasn’t asking for perfection, merely just a little attention and some affection, but instead you played with my heart like a piece of claymation leaving me with the inclination that I could achieve a more satisfying sensation through masturbation and avoid this self deterioration.

Is this the culmination of being impatient? Or the frustration with the condensation of words that sweat from a glass of empty conversation where so little is said but so much is heard based on interpretation which only leads to more complication.

These words that are spit out at me in one quick ejaculation leave me sitting here alone in detrimental speculation. You see, I thought we could form some kind of unification, but now I see that you were just on an overextended vacation that I came along on with my determination to show my sincere dedication which only proved to be a fruitless combination.

After much contemplation I am leaving you in isolation, and I hope that one day you can achieve emotional liberation.

This is my proclamation to employ extermination to an unhealthy preoccupation with a feeling that is probably nothing more than just a childlike infatuation!

Comments

SDaniels June 26, 2010 @ 9:27 p.m.

If you want to make this into a poem, take away all of the articles, prepositions, and most parts of speech except your nouns, including the obsessive non-count nouns (yes, you were aware that these were predominantly non-count nouns, and that figures complexly into your poetics, right?) Now relax, and connect them more naturally and playfully, --and let a few fall away for godsake.

In this way, you give it a chance to become something fun, yet dark and complicated, instead of the 'hey, lookit all the suffixes I can cram in here!' feeling it has now.

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SDaniels June 26, 2010 @ 9:29 p.m.

P.S. Diggin' the squirrel. Hey nanners! Squirrel alert!

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CuddleFish June 27, 2010 @ 11:09 a.m.

It feels more like spoken word, or rap, to me, Daniels. In which case all those extra words add sound?

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nan shartel June 27, 2010 @ 11:26 a.m.

Squooills!!!!....Squoilllsss

where is they...where is they!!!!

it's hard to put a poem in here at the READER...but let me try for u


A Configuration of Stale Situation by Greenkat

These unrealistic expectations

I form from within this deficient position

I’m in

leave me with nothing but hopeless

anticipation for the creation of a stable foundation

where termination

is put to this endless rotation

of that same tired explanation

I wasn’t asking for perfection

merely just a little attention

and some affection

but instead you played with my heart like a piece of claymation

leaving me with the inclination

that I could achieve a more satisfying sensation

through masturbation

and avoid this self deterioration

Is this the culmination of being impatient?

Or the frustration with the condensation of words that sweat from a glass of empty conversation

where so little is said

but so much is heard

based on interpretation

which only leads to more complication.

These words that are spit out at me in one quick

ejaculation

leave me sitting here alone in detrimental

speculation

You see, I thought we could form some kind of unification

but now I see that you were just on an overextended vacation

that I came along on with my determination

to show my sincere dedication

which only proved to be a fruitless combination

After much contemplation

I am leaving you in isolation

and I hope that one day

you can achieve emotional liberation

This is my proclamation

to employ extermination

to an unhealthy preoccupation

with a feeling that is probably nothing more

than just a childlike infatuation!


this poem is wonderful content wise Greenkat...i see ur doin' the "tions" for effect and i have mixed feeling about that..as SDaniels says "hamster wheel" effect...altho that does indicate ur unrelenting frustration with the aforemention "bioche"

all and all i'd have to say

I LIKE IT

nice to see a poet here

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SDaniels June 28, 2010 @ 11:57 p.m.

I have mixed feelings about repetition in general too, nan--that's quite a topic to explore, isn't it? ;) I suspect this poem is more just a lark for greenkat; perhaps venting at the end of a relationship when, as you hint with your hamster wheel image, a person eventually gets tired with those repetitive thoughts?

I remember a poem I tried to write once, with the narrator flipping obsessively through a book, trying to exorcize repetition, which won't be defeated, and simply nests itself into the flashes of words flying by on the flipped pages. As always, a great idea, but the poem? Not so much. :)

Anyway, however you might try for a sense of being stifled in relentlessness, you still have to let a poem breathe. Sometimes Sylvia Plath (fave of yours, too) did repetition in this way, creating a closed bell jar-like space, but in order to define that space, to even look at it, you have to be able to separate it somewhat from yourself, and she also did that distance very well--balancing it, without compromising the sense of suffocation. Do you know what I mean?

Nan, I like what you did, adding the parts of speech, and feel like it accomplished a little better what I'm trying to describe (late in the eve). I think there is something to be said for creating a little aesthetic distance from the object or subject of the poem; it allows the reader to feel there is something more to do, too...

Then again, adding a squoil here or there never hoits ;)

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SDaniels June 28, 2010 @ 11:59 p.m.

Oh yeah, forgot to address the rap--I think you could be right about spoken word, nanners; does sound like it. Haven't been to one of those evenings in a lonnnnggg time. Do you go to slams, ever?

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nan shartel June 29, 2010 @ 8:06 a.m.

i don't..i wish i could go to poetry slams...and spoken word in general poetry or prose

much of the time my "little 3 dots" r my way of creating breathing space in a piece...the pause that allows the unwritten meaning to either peek thru or jump right up and catch ones breath

to let the reader read between the line and get a whiff of the subtext

Greenkat's piece has the alluring pacing element ...but it become grinding..considering the subject matter that may be in order...as in Eminem song "Lose Yourself"

the hook: You better lose yourself in the music, the moment You own it, you better never let it go You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping This world is mine for the taking

but here the emphasis is on more them one word in each line and they do not all end with "tion"...perhaps even the use of "sion" might have lightened the weight of the poem...but still left the hammering quality intact

i hope this poet come's here again

i read here recently that Robbiebear (LPR) has 70+ poem written...i wish he would post one once in a while

i have one up now...not as good as this one..but fair to middlin'

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nan shartel June 29, 2010 @ 10:31 a.m.

and Sylvia...yes..she was a python wording genius..sometimes u didn't even realize she was smothering...til it was fatal

April 18....Plath

the slime of all my yesterdays rots in the hollow of my skull

and if my stomach would contract because of some explicable phenomenon such as pregnancy or constipation

I would not remember you

or that because of sleep infrequent as a moon of greencheese that because of food nourishing as violet leaves that because of these

and in a few fatal yards of grass in a few spaces of sky and treetops

a future was lost yesterday as easily and irretrievably as a tennis ball at twilight

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