Following campaign stop in Vista, Bernie Sanders hunts down and kills wild investment banker at the San Diego Safari Park
Walter Mencken 2 p.m., May 26
Heading into this 4th of July weekend my mind drifts back to last year. I spent half the day in Urgent Care after an unfortunate meeting between a brick and my little toe…the brick won. My wife and I had just enjoyed the Scripps Ranch parade, always a hoot, catching up with old friends and viewing the creative floats. As we walked down to Hoyt Park to mingle with our fellow ranchers, I caught my toe on the aforementioned brick which leaned onto the sidewalk from someone’s yard. I announced that I believed I had broken my toe. My wife wasn’t buying it because of my quiet demeanor. Apparently she was looking for more of a rhythmically-challenged spastic contestant from “So You Think You Can Dance.” I was able to convince her once she saw my toe sticking out at a forty-five degree angle to my foot! Now, this year with all my toes pointing in the right direction, I wonder how to celebrate the independence of this great country. Perhaps a display of fireworks? Oh, that’s right, they’re being cancelled due to their hazardous environmental impact. Ok, I’ll just run down to the bay and take part in “Floatopia.” Of course, because of new city ordinance, I’ll have to paddle my inner-tube three miles out to sea to partake in an adult beverage. I could shuttle over to the San Diego County Fair at Del Mar. The only problem with that, besides the name being way too long, is I’ll need to first stop by the bank for a small loan to afford my deep-fried Snickers bar and slushy ice-puppy. On second thought, with my recent history of masonry/digit confrontation, the price of gasoline on the rise, both the Chargers and Padres heading into a dark storm of DEA investigations, and Larry King hanging up his suspenders, maybe it’s wiser this year to just stay home and work on the release of my second chakra.
Daniel J McAuliffe Scripps Ranch 6-30-10