Walter Mencken 10 a.m., July 31
To Smurf, or not to Smurf: it's out of the question
I drew the unenviable task of reviewing the first Smurfs movie. I peed blue for three weeks. If I belch hard enough I can still taste it.
Send slashers films, Jennifer Aniston romcoms, or Zach Galifianakis slob-fests: anything but blue balls. Besides, is this the way anyone wants to remember Jonathan Winters?
I love Lickona's kids and hereby extend an offer to personally home school them with Shemp and Groucho the morning it screens. Don't do it to them Matthew! Seriously, does anyone really give a shit whether or not The Reader covers The Smurfs #2? "It stinks." There's my review. Happy?
Geez, one look at the film's exploitation and I'm reaching for my insulin and a syringe. Better a mop handle and a jar of Crisco for an evening's entertainment than this.
More like this:
- Hold that lion: a pictorial history of the MGM logo — June 27, 2013
- Spot the Fake Titles Quiz IV: Dead by Dawn — May 24, 2013
- Spot the Fake Title Quiz: Cartoon Edition — May 15, 2013
- Go tell it on the mountain: a pictorial history of the Paramount logo — May 6, 2013
- Ephemeral Groucho — Feb. 28, 2013