Robert Bush 5 p.m., Jan. 23
Sheriff Joe Arpaio and Steven Seagal impose martial (arts) law
Following the elementary school massacre in Newtown, Conn. that left 20 first-graders and six teachers dead, tough talking Sheriff Joe Arpaio has had it up to here with gun violence.
Arizona's self-styled "America's Toughest Sheriff" is sending a strong message to gun-toting lunatics out to murder and destroy. He's enlisting the services of Steven Seagal, 60, to arm a civilian "posse" and train them in the martial arts.
What a brilliant deterrent to crime! Why not call it "Bring a Puffy, Over-the-Hill American Action Star to School Day?"
Chuck Norris' phone must have been off the hook when Arpaio called.
According to the Associated Press, the 'actor' "led a class of 48 posse members on the appropriate response to single- and multiple-shooter scenarios, room-to-room entry tactics and hand-to-hand combat techniques."
Seagal said: "I am here to try to teach the posse firearms and martial arts to try to help them learn how to respond quicker and help protect our children."
It was the first time in decades his words didn't go direct to home video.
The scenario played out Saturday at a closed school site in suburban Fountain Hills, outside Phoenix. Sheriff's SWAT members were cast as the lead gunmen while teenagers were employed as background extras.
"He’s making a mockery out of it. You’re having a movie actor train people how to protect schools?” Arizona Democratic House Minority Leader Chad Campbell said to the AP.
In his defense, Arpaio originally wanted someone who can fly, but Henry Cavill, star of the upcoming Zack Snyder Superman reboot, was unavailable.
More like this:
- Ephemeral Groucho — Feb. 28, 2013
- Trailer Park: the mundane horrors of Dark Skies — Feb. 22, 2013
- Lemon Grove: Best California steak? — Feb. 6, 2013
- Lincoln Park: Red Rooster’s got catfish, if you can find it — Feb. 1, 2013
- Arizona's "Sheriff Joe" Announces Retirement, Decision to Move to Escondido — Dec. 16, 2011