David Batterson 8:30 a.m., April 24
Forever Amber alert!
Cinephilia is a crime punishable in most states!
I was sitting in the basement last week watching a beautiful 16mm dye-transfer print of Otto Preminger's Forever Amber. It wasn't until I got up to change reels, that I noticed a crime had been committed.
Reel 3 was missing and the backdoor to my apartment was wide open.
From out of nowhere my landlady, Angelina Manicotti, screamed, "Stop! Thief! Put down that reel!"
Flying down the stairs, I reached her first floor landing just in time to see the perpetrator turn the corner with Amber in tow.
Noted emulsionologist, Dr. Christian Hertzog, confirms that "Cinephilia is illegal in most Southern states and Utah." According to the Anthony Mann Act, "Anyone caught transporting prints across State lines for immoral purposes will be punished to the full extent of the law."
You may never get to meet the 16mm or 35mm print you save, but chances are without your help, they may not make it. An usher will soon pass through your living room. Any spare change you can dig out of the couch will mean a lot.
Please help us put an end to the rampant wave of Cinephilia currently sweeping the nation. You'll be glad you did!