Jay Allen Sanford 7 p.m., May 28
Better Than All Six Episodes of Star Wars Combined!
Q: What do you get when you combine Spielberg's lisp, Lucas' chins, and Carrie Fisher's mammary glands?
A: Jabba the Nut!
Thanks to my friend, former student, and eternal teacher Ward Porrill for slapping this on my Facebook wall. You won't catch me attending the 3D conversion of Episode One. Not even the stereopticians at Prime Focus can add depth to this long-faced nuisance. May the remorse be with you!