Ok. Here I go. About a couple of weeks ago I said I would start writing articles on couples’ relationships and so I asked for suggestions on what topics I should write about. One that had special emphasis was the one on what to do when passion started to drift away. When things start to get cold and the coffee is just not the same anymore.

What can we do? When we really love each other but the fire is on vacation. When the relationship has lost its momentum. When you can touch and breathe the distance and disencounter. When the affection and the caresses are but memories and routine has made itself a place in the living room, the kitchen, the bed room. When the butterflies you used to feel in your stomach each time you thought of her or him have flown away, are gone…

We forget. That is our curse. We forget the good and the bad and how we got there. And because we forget how we got there, to the things or moments we love, we stop doing it. Once we’re there, established and secure, be it marriage or a stable relationship, we get comfortable and relaxed. We don´t worry anymore about courting. What for? We’re there. We have our partner already; even more if we are married. We have the impulse to please, to impress no more. What for? I got her or him already. Flowers? What for? Going out for dinner? A nice restaurant? What for? It’s not necessary anymore. I don’t need to impress her. Fix me up? Make up? What for? Lingerie? Waxing? What for? I got him already. Watch what I eat? Stay fit? What for? Mmm…let me think….what for.

We start letting go. We only need to tolerate our laziness once. We used to eat out every weekend, now it’s every month, then each time we get the chance. Before we gave flowers each week, now each anniversary…if we remember.

A relationship is built little by little, small things. We win the love of our partner with little tinny battles, little gestures some call them, like surprising your partner with dinner or a cup of coffee. Breaking the routine and giving your partner a flower when she least expects it. Ah, the sweetness and power of surprise! A small massage “…I bet you didn’t expect it,” “…and a glass of wine??!! Wow, what has gotten into you!”

What?? That you don't know how to give a massage?? Learn!! No big deal! Your partner is not expecting an expert; just the touch of your hands caressing and relaxing his/her tired body, so willing to forget the outside world. Relax. It becomes a habit to surprise and delight. We are made out of habits with the advantage we can change them…if we are willing. What? That you don’t do all that anymore? Start doing it again! Begin a reconquest campaign. Make out of flirting with your partner a habit. Make a habit out of surprising and delighting. No immediate results? You need to be patient. Remember: it’s a reconquest. Maybe at the beginning your partner will think something funny is going on. Let her/him wonder. Soon he/she will get used to your gestures and will become reciprocal.

Remember: we can develop habits that limit us and make us mediocre or habits that empower us, help us grow, be more spontaneous and interesting, nicer to be around and more affectionate.

Go now. Go and reconquer your partner. Show off. Make your partner remember how it was she/he fell into your web.

Comments

SDaniels Jan. 31, 2010 @ 2:52 a.m.

"I bet you didn’t expect it,” “…and a cup of wine??!! Wow, what has gotten into you!”"

No, I don't think I would ever expect to be poured a cup o' wine. Are we talking juice cup? sippy cup? coffee or tea cup? Or--that picnic paper or plastic dilemna?! Yikes.

You're totally right. It's the little things.

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MsGrant Feb. 1, 2010 @ 11:05 a.m.

"Fix me up? Make up? What for? Lingerie? Waxing? What for? I got him already. Watch what I eat? Stay fit? What for? Mmm…let me think….what for."

Um, 'cause there are other people in my world besides my husband? Sans the waxing part, they don't get to see that! But you know what I mean. Not everyone lets it go once they get a partner. That's romantic love, and it's not meant to last. Mature love keeps itself up because it wants to last.

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SDaniels Feb. 1, 2010 @ 12:18 p.m.

"Sans the waxing" part, they don't get to see that!"

Your girlfriends might appreciate it around the pool or at the beach, Granty. I remember back in the 70s when I was a kid, and the 80s, when a lot of women were running around with curlies peaking out from their suit bottoms, squeaking, "Hi! I'm a natural woman!" I mean, these ladies were really sporting half hatted toupees!

The 70s and the 80s are gone, and all are now shelling out the shekels to the inevitable poor diminutive woman who tapes and rips unmercifully! My solution? 50s style short skirt overlay on the front of the suit, a la Marilyn ;)

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MsGrant Feb. 1, 2010 @ 12:30 p.m.

Half-hatted toupees!! Snicker. No, my point was everyone sees my appearance everyday, just not my, ahem, bikini line. My reality is Kojak city. Razor, not wax. I hate wax. Hurts like mother-f**king hell. I used to have a friend who I would go to the beach with and she was one of those au naturale types. It was a jungle. Worse than any guy I knew.

Who loves ya, baby?

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SDaniels Feb. 1, 2010 @ 12:34 p.m.

I will refrain from an extremely inappropriate Kojak joke. No, I got yer point ;) But razors? Shiver. Talk about lasting pain--and itch! I'll go with wax, thanks. Viva la Brasil!

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PistolPete Feb. 1, 2010 @ 12:55 p.m.

I rake the beach once a week with a razor. No big deal. Just be careful. Go slow.

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MsGrant Feb. 1, 2010 @ 1:19 p.m.

Pete, keeping things nice for his lady....see, author, even Pete, for Christsake, is doing his part to keep the home fires burning. We're not all a bunch of hairy has-beens.

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danielvazquez Feb. 1, 2010 @ 2:32 p.m.

Wow!! I just had a blast reading your posts, everyone. I did not mean to provoke a debate over the waxing lol Personally, I don't mind if it's wax or razor. My whole point is the importance of the maintenance of both parties, man and woman. If you want to keep the passion alive, it is necessary to keep taking care of our looks, up to a point. I mean, at least until that stage in life when it doesnt matter much anymore and your friends are saying how you were a great person ;)

Thanks everyone for all your comments until now. Hope we can keep the conversation going! :)))

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danielvazquez Feb. 1, 2010 @ 3:12 p.m.

And thanks for the heads up on the semantics, SDaniels! lol :D

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