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When people think of Mitt Romney, they think of his failed attempt to unseat President Barack Obama in the 2012 Presidential election.

Or they think of his La Jolla mansion, which can be seen from space and currently blocks the ocean view formerly enjoyed by over 1,000 La Jolla homes.

But some of them think of his successful effort to salvage the '02 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City. Indeed, who can forget his stirring performance in the men's figure skating final, which bravely recalled the Mormon struggle to search out a peaceful homeland in America through many years of religious persecution? A proud, proud day for Utah, Mormons, men's figure skating, and whoever designed Romney's bodysuit. Dude was smokin'.

Romney also helped turn around the sports festival's finances, taking a $400 million deficit and turning it into a $100 million surplus, largely by employing cheap Chinese athletes instead of more expensive (and frankly, less motivated) Americans.

In light of that success, area fatcats have turned to Romney in an effort to improve their bid to host the 2024 Summer Olympics in cooperation with Tijuana. SD on the QT sources, speaking on condition of getting a free Reader t-shirt, inform us that Romney has in fact accepted the offer, but that there are several conditions for his participation.

First, in keeping with the immigration policies he developed as part of his Presidential bid, there must be a 12-foot fence running through the Olympic Village, with Americans on one side and potential immigrants from around the world on the other. Gold medal winners from each event would be allowed to apply for citizenship, because those are the kinds of people we want in this country. (No word yet on whether a fence hop/river wade/desert run triathlon could possibly be included as an Olympic event.)

Second, there would be no participation in any event by those countries that make up the bottom 47% of Gross Domestic Product worldwide. "We've all seen how handout-seeking countries like Greece can bring down an entire continent," says our source. "Romney wants to make sure that everyone contributes their fair share to this Olympics."

Third, "and this one is non-negotiable: no one from Kenya will be allowed to run."

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Comments

TRoosevelt May 23, 2013 @ 10:59 p.m.

This is a low class sarcastic article. Romney should be respected as one of the most honorable politicians. He gave Obama some respect that was more than most any political foes would have. Romney would benefit San Diego and the future Olympics and if the Reader and San Diego does articles about Romney like this, its a disgrace to our great city. I think an apology is in order.

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TRoosevelt May 23, 2013 @ 10:59 p.m.

This is a low class sarcastic article. Romney should be respected as one of the most honorable politicians. He gave Obama some respect that was more than most any political foes would have. Romney would benefit San Diego and the future Olympics and if the Reader and San Diego does articles about Romney like this, its a disgrace to our great city. I think an apology is in order.

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Duhbya May 24, 2013 @ 12:55 p.m.

First time reading an article by Mencken, is it? Hint: the blog is titled "Almost Factual News". You say sarcasm, I say satire. Ever think about speaking more softly and carrying a smaller stick, TR?

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