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Livery Laborers Lament Lardy Lovers' Lecherous Liasons

"Yaa Raabi - put that sh*t away!"

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Attention, amorous San Diegans, especially those of you helping to make this the 10th most obese city in the nation: San Diego's taxi drivers want you to get a room. After the November 15th Metropolitan Transit System Taxicab Advisory Committee (MTS-TAC) election, the 800-member strong taxi driver association plans to once again bring up the issue of backseat hookups through their newly elected representatives.

According the Department of Labor, cab drivers are 600 times more likely than other workers to be exposed to explicit sexual activity while on the job. "It's not as exciting as TV and movies may have led you to believe," says Somali-born cab driver Abdi Abdikarim. "Everyone always thinks of the quasi-hot skanks on Taxicab Confessions, or worse yet, Don Draper getting serviced by a gorgeous young actress on Mad Men. Let me assure you, the things I've seen...this one time...no, it is better not to speak of it."

Cities like New York have adopted safety measures like tinted dividers and in-car video cameras that broadcast directly to the Internet. San Diego cab drivers have been asking for similar measures for years. "These people have no shame in front of me, a foreigner in a position of service," explained Abdikarim. "But maybe if they knew that their blubberous exploits were viewable by their co-workers...I can only hope."

"There is always a danger in the cab industry," said San Diego Cab Company President Wally Frack. "Tragic, groping, connubial incidents always happen, but we have to make sure at least to have some kind of protection for their drivers. Because the drivers, they're the ones who have to live with what they've seen."

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