Walter Mencken 11:31 a.m., Feb. 1
One Dead, Thirteen Injured in Convention Center Riot During OCD Convention
Bedlam Breaks Out Following Mysterious Depletion of Restroom Soap Dispensers
Cleanliness Isn't Just Next to Godliness
SOUTH SUPPLY CLOSET, SAN DIEGO CONVENTION CENTER - "I can't understand it," said Convention Center Site Maintenance Chief Alphonso Gomez, shaking his head. "I mean, these guys [members of the International OCD Foundation] brought in what, 5000 people for their event? Comic-Con had 125,000, and we didn't run out of soap then. It just doesn't make sense for something like this to happen."
Gomez was referring to the brief but intense outburst of violence that occurred last Sunday after conference attendees discovered that every single soap dispenser in every single men's restroom was completely out of soap. "Apparently," explained Gomez, "somebody was pretty upset about it, and somebody else asked what the big deal was. After that, things got crazy. Some people are just sensitive, I guess. What I can't understand is, how did we run out of soap in the first place?"
Police were called in to break up the flailing melee, and Gomez made an emergency run to Smart & Final to pick up 5000 individual bottles of Neutrogena hand cleanser. "The cool thing was, after everything got settled, the attendees took it upon themselves to clean up. It was a pretty nasty scene, but I swear, after thirty minutes, you wouldn't have even known anything happened. Those guys were amazing. You could have eaten off the carpet."
"Not that you would," added Gomez.
More like this:
- Unconventional logic — Aug. 11, 2014
- Auditor Confirms It: Convention Center Attendance Figures Misleading — Aug. 21, 2012
- Comic-Book Con: Taking it Back to the Start — July 13, 2012
- Pressing Need — Dec. 13, 2007
- We Have Traded a Convention Center for the Libraries — April 17, 1997