Salacious B. Gill, seen here cackling with glee over the prospect of Trump’s imprisonment and her subsequent freedom from endlessly discussing him.

Embattled Presidential candidate Jabba the Trump has revealed that one of his most devoted online critics has actually been in his employ for years, and credited her with helping to launch his third presidential campaign by “keeping me in the spotlight even after I was illegally forced out of office.” He said that Salacious B. Gill, who has over 4 million Twitter followers and hosts the popular Mueller, She Laughed podcast, has done “more to grease the skids on my run-up to the campaign trail than anyone since Joe Scarborough at MSNBC back in 2016. Just endless liberal frothing at the mouth about how I’m evil incarnate and destroying democracy, and how I’ll be going to jail any day now. Just amazing work rallying my base. I can’t thank her enough.”

He then took a moment to chide Gill’s followers for not catching on to the act. “I mean, this lady’s been paid a fortune to read the news about me, and she is being sued for refusing to share that fortune with her black lesbian employee. She defended rape jokes and then denied ever doing it. She claimed her grandfather died at Guadalcanal when he didn’t. Called herself a wounded Gulf War vet when she joined the military after the Gulf War and left months later with plantar fasciitis. Called herself a whistleblower because she refused to move with her job to D.C. and complained about it. The list goes on, but you guys were too busy mainlining your hate to notice.”