Bénie (center) and her four kids, in west African styles

“I was sexually abused as a child,” says Benie Kouyate. By making that simple statement, she has broken a thousand taboos. If publicly admitting such abuse is difficult here, it is impossible in Africa, she says.

Benie lives here, but she is from Conakry, the capital of Guinea, on the west coast of Africa. I saw this handsome woman in a white dress the other night at the Westin Carlsbad. She was receiving a humanitarian award for her work fighting against the sexual abuse of women and children in places like Mali, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, and Burkina Faso. I sat at one of those round conference tables after she had given her acceptance speech. 

“What happened to me as a child,” she said, “nobody ever thought of me being a victim. When it came out that this person had a sexual encounter with me, it was viewed as something that was consensual. And this was when I was 13, 14. Nobody cared to even ask me what happened. Not even my dad did. So I had to continue growing up with that pain in my heart, with that anger. And I am not alone. I know there are so many little kids, so many babies, so many girls out there who are being molested by their own fathers, by their own cousins, by their own stepbrothers. It’s out of control.

“The worst part is, you are bringing shame to the family by speaking out, because you are a woman, and you [allowed] penetration. They say, ‘Oh, he’s being a man. He can’t help it.’ It also happened with my kids’ father, my ex-husband, in Michigan. He was very abusive, very insecure. Whenever he felt like I was cheating, he raped me. That’s how he handled things. But I had to keep it bottled up.”

Benie with award and son Benjamin.

Then came 2017, and Harvey Weinstein. “That was really the tipping point for me. All the Hollywood actresses came out with their allegations about Harvey Weinstein sexually abusing them. I was like, ‘Why am I keeping my story to myself? Why can’t I do something about it?’ So I went on social media, on Facebook, and actually talked about the instances when I was abused as a child in Africa.” 

Her actions were shocking to her family, but something good came out of them. “I ended up meeting this guy who couldn’t believe that I really didn’t care about my image. So he said, ‘What are you going to do about this?’ And I said, ‘I want to make a difference. Whenever I get some money, I’ll make a difference with a foundation.’ And he said ‘Well, I’ve got a foundation and I’m going to give it to you right here. If you just stop [putting yourself in danger].’ I said, ‘Okay, okay.’ And that’s how The Benie Foundation started, to give women and children somewhere to go when they are abused. And it’s run from here.” She points to her head.

Does she feel she’s gaining acceptance back home in Guinea? “Well, last time I went to Conakry, the elders welcomed me, people came and sang, they danced for me, they cooked for me, made prayers, a lot of prayers to protect me from those who are against us. These are things they do for people they recognize as leaders. So we are no way there, but we are on our way!”