A vision of the future?

“It’s true that Stone Brewing did not invent the gargoyle,” admits Rocky Flint, Stone Brewing’s Brand Protection Manager. “But we did trademark it. And we think it’s pretty clear that the gothic cathedrals of Europe — Notre Dame in Paris chief among them — are in violation of that trademark. But we’re not unreasonable. We understand that the building is in need of some remodeling these days, and so we’re offering the Church a chance to make things right without paying out millions in fees or taking down the offending structures. All they have to do is give up a little bit of real estate to our marketing department, insert a few tasteful product placements while they go about their repairs. Who knows? French people might start going to church again if they thought it involved a chance to enjoy our delicious craft beers. I understand they’re already drinking wine at their gatherings, so it’s just a short hops — get it? — to our side of the rail. Miller, on the other hand, they’re going down. They can argue that the company is named after founder Frederick Miller, but HE was named after the profession of miller, and we all know that a miller can’t do his work of grinding flour into wheat without, you guessed it, a millstone. Wait, what’s that? Mill. Stone. That’s our brand name, and we’re going to protect it.”