A typical hipster's artisanal hit kit: heirloom doctor's bag, vintage rubber surgical tubing, souvenir teaspoon from an obscure Eastern European city, oil lamp, World War I-era syringe, local craft heroin.
  • A typical hipster's artisanal hit kit: heirloom doctor's bag, vintage rubber surgical tubing, souvenir teaspoon from an obscure Eastern European city, oil lamp, World War I-era syringe, local craft heroin.
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Recent data released by SANDAG shows that heroin use among arrested San Diegans has tripled since 2002. Today, over 15 percent of all women and 13 percent of all men who get taken into custody wind up testing positive for the highly addictive drug.

North Park Heroin Company's Special Original, widely credited with starting the craft heroin craze in San Diego.

"The bottle is an exact replica of one that was used before Bayer took their heroin off the market in 1913. It's that kind of authenticity and devotion to detail that attracts the serious heroin aficionado. That and the mind-blowing high."

That comes as no surprise to Mark Otic, founder and owner of the North Park Heroin Company. "NPHC is just one of the many craft heroin operations that has sprung up in recent years," explains Otic. "The local beer feel was getting awfully crowded, and even a little bit played out. There's only so many ways to make an IPA, and once you started seeing tasting rooms opening up in East County, you knew it was time for the next thing. A few innovators looked to pot, but honestly? The Boomers pretty much have that covered. To me, heroin just made sense. A lot of heroin is just mass-produced crap, made in unsanitary conditions and brought in from God knows where. But from start to finish, there is room for care and craft."

"It all starts with locally sourced poppies," rhapsodizes Otic. "Then we move into a food-grade production facility, stocked with top-flight, certified pure chemical additives. Our cooks combine Old World traditions with modern American technology to produce something that is truly the best of both worlds. And the hipsters have taken notice. It's a good thing that Joe Six-Pack has discovered San Diego's local beer scene, because the cool kids have moved on."

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Comments

RichardGardiol Aug. 29, 2015 @ 12:51 p.m.

Nice bit of satire Mr. Mencken. Did you know that San Diego has been declared the "Heroin Capitol of the World" and that local officials are overjoyed with the prospect of the increased tax revenues and area revitalization that follow the inclusion of heroin tasting rooms in under achieving neighborhoods. Officials are currently planning on special zoning exemptions for heroin outlets making it a convenient short trip to the "candy shop" for local connoisseurs.

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Walter Mencken Aug. 29, 2015 @ 1:12 p.m.

Must be 1000 feet from schools, churches, and pot dispensaries.

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dwbat Aug. 29, 2015 @ 12:59 p.m.

Wang's in North Park is gone now, so that's a perfect huge spot for NPHC to expand into when their craft heroin really takes off.

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jimdey Aug. 29, 2015 @ 3:27 p.m.

Hahaha! That's so funny! I mean, unless your brother is an addict and you have a friend who lost a son to a needle infection.

So, what social tragedy will you make light of next? Oh, I know! How about human trafficking! That should be good for some laughs!

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dwbat Aug. 29, 2015 @ 5:56 p.m.

Shoot, I think Mencken is as funny as a truckload of dead babies!

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