"The Donald Sterling scandal has had one good effect," says Samantha Serious, community organizer for Rename All Culturally Insensitive Sports Teams (RACIST), "the first serious, ownership-level discussion about racism in professional sports since the Atlanta Braves were renamed the Atlanta Exploited. Now, at long last, San Diego seems to be ready to take a look at the disgusting history of Western-style colonial patriarchy and oppression represented by its name and mascot: a Catholic missionary priest."
RACIST has been blanketing social media with the above collection of photographs, accompanied by the following caption: "Why NO SWINGING FRIAR (1)? Because he represents the worst kind of cultural and political imperialism. He arrives from far away, claiming to be sent by an invisible but loving spirit in the heavens who must be obeyed (2). He promises great blessings from this spirit (3) to anyone who will listen to him and follow his teachings. He claims to have special magical powers (4) that allow him to forgive sins against the heavenly spirit. Once his authority has been established, he begins to condemn various practices that undermine his control (5). Finally, he reveals himself for what he is: the first wave of a conquering, invasive military force (6), bent on plunder and dominion. This is the grinning face of tyranny, San Diego. #RENAMETHEPADRES."
Reached for comment, a spokesman for Padres management replied, "I'm just glad they didn't include a shot of the Swinging Friar with some little kid on his lap."