REALIZING JUST WHAT THOSE MOTOR CARS ARE SYMBOLIC OF, LA JOLLA — Marc Chase, co-owner of Symbolic Motor Cars in La Jolla and alleged middleman in the Jose Azano Matsura political donation scandal, has come forward today to claim that, in his words, "this is all just a big misunderstanding." Specifically, he admits that he gave thousands of dollars to District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis during her failed campaign for mayor. But he denies that politics had anything to do with the donation. Rather, he was interested in a different sort of congress.
"Look, I am a man who likes to push the boundaries," continued Chase. "I live my life with passionate intensity, and sometimes, my appetite for adventure is such that I wind up perusing the Craigslist Casual Encounters section. When I came across Bonnie's ad, my interest was piqued — I think most men fantasize about getting a chance to reach across the proverbial aisle and do a little bipartisan back-scratching, if you know what I mean. I mean, sure, now it's clear that I wasn't reading as carefully as I should have. Anyway, once we got everything sorted out, I felt so embarrassed that I told her to just keep the cash. When I told my buddy Matsura the story, he said he'd cover my loss, just for making him laugh so hard. So you see, you guys have got it all wrong."
Asked if his alleged donations to Bob Filner's campaign for mayor were born of a similar misunderstanding, Chase mumbled something about the way some people get their freak on, jumped into a bright yellow Lamborghini, and sped off.