There is no solid, reality-based reason why billionaire Irwin Jacobs should support Nathan Fletcher's campaign for mayor. But as Sherlock Holmes always said, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." So SD on the QT set about eliminating the impossible, and wound up uncovering a highly improbable senario which just might turn out to be true.
While sifting through court documents relating to Irwin-founded Qualcomm's attempt to patent certain frequencies of sound (the ones related to Miley Cyrus' voice), we found a (possibly leaked) drawing from a Qualcomm-related Chinese manufacturer that refers to a "mayor-bot." The project's name? Fletcher.
"You must remember," says political analyst Boon Doggle, "before he became a billionaire philanthropist, Jacobs was a brilliant engineer: electrical, computer, communications, you name it. He went into cell phones because that's where the money was, but he could have done anything. Like, say, designing a robot capable of appearing in human guise and carrying out his will. And he's certainly rich enough to commission the manufacture of same."
No U.S. Patent application has been filed on behalf of Project Fletcher, admits Doggle. "But that doesn't mean he doesn't have the Chinese building prototypes. The document is mostly just a drawing, but a tiny piece of text in the lower right corner refers to a 'flip-patch.' We know that 'patch' usually means a correction to glitchy software. A 'flip-patch' might be just what a Fletcher mayor-bot needs."
Initial attempts to verify Fletcher's status as either human or robot were repulsed by what appear to have been repulsor rays emanating from the candidate's eye cannons. But rest assured, we will continue our investigation.