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Why hasn't Landmark's Ken Cinema hired a new employee in six years? Those fortunate enough to work at Kensington's consecrated single-screen are so crazy loyal to the theater that the thought of leaving never once crossed their minds.

Sophia Verbiscar: manager, projectionist, and Kensington's answer to Vanna White.

Sophia Verbiscar: manager, projectionist, and Kensington's answer to Vanna White.

This is the rare opportunity to work for a legend. No, not manager Sophia Verbiscar, although she's nice. I'm talking about the only single-screen theater to survive the multiplexing of San Diego, Landmark's immortal Ken Cinema.

In my humble estimation, strangers need not apply. This is a job for people who deserve it, not those who demand it. The ideal candidate would be a familiar face that frequents the place, someone who has already hinted, "If ever there's an opening, I'd love to work at the Ken."

Dress sharp!

Dress sharp!

Unlike the regulation multiplex attendant hired to sweep, rip tickets, serve, and point, the Ken staff is extremely knowledgeable and passionate about what they do. A working knowledge of cinema and a taste for something other than what the competition has to offer are musts. Besides, you'll soon be eligible for membership in the exclusive theater workers exchange program that allows free access to pretty much any crap that's playing.

Other perks? Free popcorn and soda, the breakfast of champions! No more making two trips when you work next door to Kensington Video. Smokers are welcome. Ask Sophia to show you the outdoor "patio" in front of the poster cases. About once every other month this reporter puts in a personal appearance. Be sure to have Thanks for the Memory cued.

Usher's little helper. Brasso! Makes old bodies new!

Usher's little helper. Brasso! Makes old bodies new!

You must be loyal, faithful, honest, and if need be able to party until dawn and still make it into work two hours prior to opening a Sunday matinee. Age is not a factor. If you work at the Ken, you're automatically hip. Be sure to act and dress accordingly.

Potential downsides? One can only clean and restock so much, right? A good amount of time working the floor staff is spent being bored. Find ways to pass the time that also help to enhance the venue. How many theaters are fortunate enough to still have a marquee to change? Every month take a bucket filled with warm water and soap and scrub the bird crap off the letters. You'll be glad you did. Buy a tin of Brasso and make the gold buckles at the tips of the velvet ropes shine. You'll be a better person for it.

Hint to perspective employees from one whose been there: examine the meager size of the ablutions chambers and always remember to do your business before coming to work.

The positions open are for members of the floor staff. Forget about projection for the time being. You have to earn the right to make it into the booth. And none of this electronic convenience stuff. Apply in person. Let the boss lady check you out.

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Comments

Colonna Oct. 31, 2013 @ 1:13 p.m.

I'd submit my resignation... resume if I lived closer.

This attempt at humor is brought to you by Prell Concentrate.

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