Ye Olde Plank sees its share of day-drinking Navy dudes, cougars, and beach bums.
  • Ye Olde Plank sees its share of day-drinking Navy dudes, cougars, and beach bums.
  • Story alerts
  • Letter to Editor
  • Pin it

Ye Olde Plank Inn

24 Palm Avenue, Imperial Beach

Located beyond I.B.’s historic surfboard silhouettes at the end of Palm Avenue, Ye Olde Plank Inn looks innocuous enough. Its cartoon mascot — a turtle in a captain’s hat — raises a beer mug next to a life-size Captain Morgan statue, which grins down from the tiki-thatched roof.

It’s 4 p.m. on a Thursday and six patrons sit around the inn, all of them very drunk. The bartender mixes a drink from his station adorned with the customary nautical detritus — coconuts, miniature diver helmets, some blowfish. A brass placard on the wall reads, “Now serving you from the most South-Westerly bar in the U.S.,” though the designation is also claimed by the two-decade young I.B. Forum down the street.

“I’m the Asshole of the Month,” says a bearded man who resembles a middle-aged Bukowski. “My picture’s there on the wall. Just look under the toilet seat.”

I lift the wooden seat and my own face gawks back in a mirror. Bukowski has a chuckle with his cocktail as a ragged man stumbles up to him and slurs, “See him?” — gesturing vaguely in my direction — “Put me and him in a room and place bets — and you know every man in this room would bet on me — and you know what? They’d win. Shit, I’ll take any man in here, no problem.”

Consoled by his masculinity, ye olde drunkard slouches into a stool as I examine the photos in the adjacent billiard room depicting the bar’s enclosed patio flooded by a saline deluge in ’83 and again in ’88. The large patio is vacant today but sees its share of day-drinking Navy dudes, sun-wizened cougars, and blundering beach bums on margarita Mondays ($2.50/$10 pitcher), $5 domestic pitchers Tuesdays, $2.50 rum and coke Wednesday/Thursdays, and weekends with $2.50 bloodies till noon.

The bar’s uninspired microwave cuisine is best avoided in favor of El Tapatio a few blocks down Palm. Either way, don’t show up at the Plank without cash. You may just end up Asshole of the Month.

­­

Capacity: 42 inside, about 50 on the patio

Prices: Pitchers, $9 domestic/$13.50 craft and import

Happy Hour: Specials most days ‘til 6 p.m.

Hours: 6 a.m. to 2 a.m. daily

Cash only

  • Story alerts
  • Letter to Editor
  • Pin it

More from SDReader

More from the web

Comments

slessner May 2, 2012 @ 2:41 p.m.

"day-drinking Navy dudes"??? I resemble that remark.

0

MissTigger May 11, 2012 @ 2:58 p.m.

Spent the BEST Cinco-de-Mayo in here of all time. The bartenders are awesome, funny and tough. The one pictured above is HOT! Very fun time...

0

Sign in to comment

Join our
newsletter list

Enter to win $25 at Broken Yolk Cafe

Each newsletter subscription
means another chance to win!

Close