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Here are some résumé, application, and interview blunders which employers have shared with me. They would be amusing if they weren’t so tragic, and so avoidable:

We received a résumé written in long-hand on three-ring notebook paper.

One résumé was obviously typed on a typewriter. I guess the candidate was not aware of the latest technology known as computers and printers.

The entire résumé was written in huge type.

In the “Personal Profile” section, we find: “Spend nearly 100+ hours a week playing video games with years of experience under me.” He is also attending college. Does he ever sleep?

Same résumé as above, also in the “Personal Profile” section: “I am a hard worker with much availability and readiness to work” (how much time is there left after those 100-plus hours a week on video games?)

In the “Education” section we find the high school diploma listed first, followed by the college work. If one is currently in college, listing a high school diploma is not necessary.

In the “Experience” section we find: “Was an exhibitionist at Comic-Con.” Probably should be exhibitor.

The applicant listed angrychick@gxxxx.com as her email address. Who wants to hire an angry chick?

The 53-page résumé was emailed. We didn’t print it, too much paper, and who wants to read a 53-page résumé anyway?

Here are some “Funniest Résumé Blunders and Bloopers” as reported by author and executive job search coach, Meg Guiseppi:

In answer to the question “Why Interested In Position?” the candidate said: “to keep my parole officer from putting me back in jail.”

In the Objective section of a résumé the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.

Objective: “career on the Information Supper Highway.” I guess the candidate was hungry.

One applicant printed his résumé on the back of his current employer’s letterhead.

Even more interesting was the résumé that had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it.

Under “Other Interests,” one man wrote, “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife.)”

Author Barbara Safani reports these interesting bloopers and blunders:

“Position Desired: Profreader.

“Dates of Employment: 2002-9999” Wow, that is long-term employment!

“Educational Achievements: Maintained a 2.0 GPA” Do not show GPA unless it is above 3.75.

“References: Scott.” A last name and contact information would be helpful.

“Experience: Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.” Yum. Yum.

Application question: “How large was the department you worked in with your last company?” Answer: “three stories.”

“Reason for leaving: Pushed aside so the vice president’s girlfriend could steal my job.”

“Office Equipment: Stapler.” Okay. Anything else?

“Current Salary: $36,000.” “Salary desired: $250,000.” At least the applicant was being honest.

Additional bloopers:

“Job Description: ‘I worked in a furniture factory as a drawer.” Ouch.

“Experienced in all faucets of accounting.” Hot, cold, stainless, brass.

“Career break in 1999 to renovate my horse.” A house might have been easier.

“Responsibility makes me nervous.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

Languages: “Speak English and Spinach.” Popeye would be proud.

“I am a ‘neat nut’ with a reputation for being hardnosed. I have no patience for sloppywork, carlessmistakes, and theft of companytime.” I guess the candidate was in a hurry when typing some of those words.

“Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”

“Experienced supervisor, defective with both rookies and seasoned professionals.”

“Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.”

Lesson? It would be a good idea to carefully proofread your résumé and application. Also have a second pair of educated eyes review it a second time as well, and maybe even a third time.

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Comments

monaghan Aug. 21, 2012 @ 10:16 a.m.

Not so funny, really. Seeking work to keep one's parole officer happy is smart and admirable. And for the rest, well, they were also trying, right?

There's an air of HR condescension here. Reading stuff like this makes me wonder what the "good" resumes said, what b.s. language was used to win the attention of the judgmental job-creating overseer -- "My greatest shortcoming is that I work too hard."

Also, what kind of wages were attached to these job "opportunities?"

Mainly, such "loser" job applications would seem to be an argument for better public education.

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SurfPuppy619 Aug. 21, 2012 @ 2:23 p.m.

"My greatest shortcoming is that I work too hard."

Hhahahahaha...I have used thta oen SOOOO many times, always makes me chuckle to hear it repeated......

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SurfPuppy619 Aug. 21, 2012 @ 2:28 p.m.

Under “Other Interests,” one man wrote, “Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife.)”

Best answer ever-would hire this smart and intelligent person 100 times out of 100 !!! My kind of applicant.

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SurfPuppy619 Aug. 21, 2012 @ 2:30 p.m.

Current Salary: $36,000.” “Salary desired: $250,000.” At least the applicant was being honest.

If they don't want an honest answer then they shouldn't ask the question. I had a guy as me how much I want do make- I told him $100 million dollars. That is the truth. He should have asked what would I have accepted.

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dwbat Aug. 21, 2012 @ 3:34 p.m.

Many of those answers are so hilarious; funnier than the "headlines" on Leno. But it's also pathetic that people actually sent in those resumes, and then probably wondered why they didn't get an interview. Being "detail-oriented" is something all employers want. If one pays little attention to spelling, that person most likely pays little attention to important details on the job. And that means many mistakes WILL be made by that person if hired.

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