Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

More Adventures in Love

Janice Bowles
Janice Bowles

Address: janicebowles.wordpress.com

Author: Janice Bowles

From: Carmel Valley

Blogging since: February 2010

Sponsored
Sponsored

Post Title: Are You a Victim If Your Spouse Cheats?

Post Date: March 1, 2010

My husband stepped out with a young honey one day. He needed to grow and the marriage structure didn’t permit the kind of lessons he needed to learn, so he chose to do it in this way…to my horror! Believe me, I blamed and screamed and played the victim for a while. I needed to do that. But I didn’t stay in that place because it’s not a good place to be. Rather, I took the huge upheaval in my life as an opportunity to examine myself and to grow so that I could first and foremost be happier within myself, and second, in a relationship, whether it was with him or someone else.

Post Title: Does Marriage Work?

Post Date: May 31, 2011

It’s a fair question, don’t you think, when we look around and see so much cheating going on. I wonder what your answer would be. Mine is “yes, it does work…for some people.” The problem is, it really doesn’t work for everyone. There are so many ways for people to be together in a relationship — successful ways that don’t fit the norm. Given the diversity of our histories — our wounds, our vulnerabilities — it’s ludicrous to think that we would all be happy in the same paradigm.

Post Title: Why Do People Cheat?

Post Date: September 12, 2011

My husband of seventeen years cheated. I’ve come to the conclusion that his actions had more to do with where he was in his own life than our marriage. Certainly, the weaknesses in our marriage played a part, but they weren’t the biggest cause of what happened.

What was? Well for one thing, we found that the marriage certificate was actually hurting our relationship. Both of us came from very controlling backgrounds and after a while, all of the “rules” began to get in the way of our love. So he had an affair and we got a divorce, which took us out of the grip of the rules, and lo and behold, our love began to flourish. Instead of “until death do us part,” we came up with our own agreement as to how we would be together. A way that works for us. If or when our agreement stops working, we will revisit it and change it so that it fits how we’ve grown. Today we are happily divorced and together.

Our new level of being together did not come instantly. In fact it happened over a period of time (years), with both of us doing our personal growth work in order to gain the wisdom and insights that have allowed us to go deeper with each other. I think when cheating happens, it’s not a good idea to just “cut your losses and run.” There is a lot to learn from the situation, and an impulsive decision just might bring regrets down the line.

Post Title: Did You Knowingly Marry Mr. Wrong?

Post Date: September 20, 2011

I was young...newly graduated from college and faced with “what’s next?”...a daunting question. Even though I had my degree, I had no desire for a career (a concept I now have a hard time believing about myself), so by default, marriage was the answer. Larry and I dated at the University. I liked him. We had a good time at school, including good sex. But after graduation, we split and went our separate ways. I missed him, or maybe it wasn’t exactly him, but that I was just feeling the emptiness of no longer having the whirlwind activities of college to fill up my life. So during one of our frequent phone conversations, Larry asked me to marry him. I said yes.

Everything was okay at first. We were apart and I had a wedding to plan, china and crystal to pick out, a pretty dress to choose. The trouble began when after three months of being apart, Larry joined me a few days before our wedding. It was then that I realized, “oh shit...this is all wrong.” From the first moment I saw him, I felt dread creeping up through my body. The wedding fantasy was great; the reality, um, not so good.

Why did I do it? Why didn’t I call it off? Quite simply, I didn’t have the guts.

[Posts have been edited for length]

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Hip-hop artist Don Elway makes movies for his music

Not Ordinary EP tells a story of life on the streets
Next Article

Not enough Readers in Mission Beach

Mayor Todd Gloria's skin color
Janice Bowles
Janice Bowles

Address: janicebowles.wordpress.com

Author: Janice Bowles

From: Carmel Valley

Blogging since: February 2010

Sponsored
Sponsored

Post Title: Are You a Victim If Your Spouse Cheats?

Post Date: March 1, 2010

My husband stepped out with a young honey one day. He needed to grow and the marriage structure didn’t permit the kind of lessons he needed to learn, so he chose to do it in this way…to my horror! Believe me, I blamed and screamed and played the victim for a while. I needed to do that. But I didn’t stay in that place because it’s not a good place to be. Rather, I took the huge upheaval in my life as an opportunity to examine myself and to grow so that I could first and foremost be happier within myself, and second, in a relationship, whether it was with him or someone else.

Post Title: Does Marriage Work?

Post Date: May 31, 2011

It’s a fair question, don’t you think, when we look around and see so much cheating going on. I wonder what your answer would be. Mine is “yes, it does work…for some people.” The problem is, it really doesn’t work for everyone. There are so many ways for people to be together in a relationship — successful ways that don’t fit the norm. Given the diversity of our histories — our wounds, our vulnerabilities — it’s ludicrous to think that we would all be happy in the same paradigm.

Post Title: Why Do People Cheat?

Post Date: September 12, 2011

My husband of seventeen years cheated. I’ve come to the conclusion that his actions had more to do with where he was in his own life than our marriage. Certainly, the weaknesses in our marriage played a part, but they weren’t the biggest cause of what happened.

What was? Well for one thing, we found that the marriage certificate was actually hurting our relationship. Both of us came from very controlling backgrounds and after a while, all of the “rules” began to get in the way of our love. So he had an affair and we got a divorce, which took us out of the grip of the rules, and lo and behold, our love began to flourish. Instead of “until death do us part,” we came up with our own agreement as to how we would be together. A way that works for us. If or when our agreement stops working, we will revisit it and change it so that it fits how we’ve grown. Today we are happily divorced and together.

Our new level of being together did not come instantly. In fact it happened over a period of time (years), with both of us doing our personal growth work in order to gain the wisdom and insights that have allowed us to go deeper with each other. I think when cheating happens, it’s not a good idea to just “cut your losses and run.” There is a lot to learn from the situation, and an impulsive decision just might bring regrets down the line.

Post Title: Did You Knowingly Marry Mr. Wrong?

Post Date: September 20, 2011

I was young...newly graduated from college and faced with “what’s next?”...a daunting question. Even though I had my degree, I had no desire for a career (a concept I now have a hard time believing about myself), so by default, marriage was the answer. Larry and I dated at the University. I liked him. We had a good time at school, including good sex. But after graduation, we split and went our separate ways. I missed him, or maybe it wasn’t exactly him, but that I was just feeling the emptiness of no longer having the whirlwind activities of college to fill up my life. So during one of our frequent phone conversations, Larry asked me to marry him. I said yes.

Everything was okay at first. We were apart and I had a wedding to plan, china and crystal to pick out, a pretty dress to choose. The trouble began when after three months of being apart, Larry joined me a few days before our wedding. It was then that I realized, “oh shit...this is all wrong.” From the first moment I saw him, I felt dread creeping up through my body. The wedding fantasy was great; the reality, um, not so good.

Why did I do it? Why didn’t I call it off? Quite simply, I didn’t have the guts.

[Posts have been edited for length]

Comments
Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

India Hawthorne is common in coastal gardens, Citrus trees are in full bloom

The vernal equinox is on March 19
Next Article

Pet pig perches in pocket

Escondido doula gets a taste of celebrity
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.