5373 Mission Center Road, Mission Valley
Let’s face it, line dancing is about as exciting as singing “Who Let the Dogs Out?” in American Sign Language, which is to say, not terrible, provided there is drink.
Luckily, In Cahoots dancehall and saloon in Mission Valley offers some downright widow-maker booze specials to accompany free dance lessons nightly (closed Mondays), starting at 6:30, when you’re liable to take part in anything from the Cowboy Cha Cha to the Copperhead Stomp.
Boasting to be a “two-step above the rest,” the 20-years-and-running In Cahoots is a celebration of all things American. That means cheap, shitty beer, formulaic group dances, and borderline obsessive displays of patriotism. The two-story country-western club flaunts its cornpone chic with bull skulls aplenty, trout fishing on the big screen, flags dangling from every possible location, and a life-size stallion rearing over a keg of Coors Light.
The venue’s staple affair is “Big Wednesday,” when an $8 cover merits $2.50 you-call-its all night on a dance floor teeming with sloppy college kids. The music tends to degrade into disposable radio rap later in the night, so unless you’re into wrangling cross-eyed frat twerps and two-bit biddies, avoid it.
Sunday, on the other hand, is busy but not crowded, and entry is free before 7 p.m. ($4 after). More importantly, everything behind the dancehall’s three full bars is $2 until midnight, ensuring that even the most timid of greenhorns will be doing the Watermelon Crawl in no time.
Tuesdays are karaoke, Thursdays are “Steak, Spuds & Suds” night for $5.95 (5 to 9 p.m.), and a dinner buffet is available Fridays and Saturdays for a handsome $4.75.
Saddle up to the bar on the first Saturday of your birth month for free entry, a party bag, gift cards, and $3 select beers.
City slickers would do well to heed the Coors corral’s elaborate dress code: No flip-flops, sleeveless shirts (dudes only), do-rags, excessively baggy clothing (“subject to management discretion”), chain wallets, or gang-related colors (presumably not including your American flag button up). In case your fashion sense hasn’t changed since middle school, be warned that you won’t be admitted with sagging pants, and all caps must be worn “forward and straight.” The door man will check your belt line. Seriously.
Hours: Tue–Fri, 5 p.m.–1:30 a.m.; Sat–Sun, 6 p.m.–1:30 a.m.