Wednesday, March 12
Sci-Fi 8:00 p.m.
This is my third and final letter to you, executives of the Sci-Fi channel. I see that you have ignored my past requests to substitute one of your frivolous ghost-hunting shows with an actual hunt of an abominable snowman, which I can prove exists because I have some of his nose hairs and a footprint in my bathtub. You bastards, I’ll be dead by the time you get this, and only your ghost-hunting abilities could have prevented it. The Yeti now smiles at my window. IT SMILES!
Thursday, March 13
ABC 7:30 p.m.
Here’s what I think when I watch this show. I don’t know who that is. Should I know who that is? Why should I care that he bought chicken at Vons? They keep mentioning his name, but I still don’t know who that is. I think, if anyone asks, I’m going to fake like I know who that is. I have to, there’s an entire segment on his shopping trip. Maybe he’s British, or a fashion model? I’m not sure.