Wednesday, November 14 Kitchen Nightmares Fox 9:00 p.m. What I really need is a monocle. I think I'm not taken seriously at places like theaters, art galleries, and, well, jeez, even the grocery store, because I don't wear a monocle. When I leave a place, I imagine the patrons whisper to each other, "He could really use a monocle." But that's just my imagination. What they probably say is, "He should put on pants under those buttless chaps."

Thursday, November 15 Supernatural CW 9:00 p.m. I was thinking of dying my hair red, but what's hip at 23 can smack of sad at age 31. I'll do a test patch to see if I like it. Tonight, I'll dye my foot hair purple and wear it around like that for a couple weeks. You may not think that's a substantial change, but you've never seen how hairy my feet are. I've overheard Hobbits say, "Damn, that dude's got some hairy toes!" Maybe I should undo the dreadlocks first. I don't want to overdo it.

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