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Tuesday, March 13 NBA Live: Bring It Home ESPN2 8:00 p.m. My team of millionaire felons is going to beat the pants off of your team of millionaire felons at the child's game of putting a rubber ball through an elevated hoop. It's going to be sweet. It will reaffirm my position in life as a spectator of events. I will approximate myself to success. We will be the champions this year.

Wednesday, March 14 SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2 Family 8:00 p.m. Someone saw fit to make two of these? I'm no humanitarian, nor am I a fan of more government, but at some point intervention must be made. Child labor. Tobacco. Pollution. Enron. This movie is like that. Monies and resources previously used for corporate gain from the destruction of our citizenry diverted toward the advancement of society can't be seen as charity, but rather necessity. I think -- and I'm only a poor drug-addled writer -- but I think our nation depends on this.

Thursday, March 15 Andy Barker, P.I. NBC 9:30 p.m. A bumbling private investigator makes good on mysteries despite apparent shortcomings. I wonder if the writer of this series understands that he's never had an original thought or if his brain only swims in its blissful pool of clear liquor, antidepressants, and delusion.

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