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Ad: Robbins Brothers Jewelers

Where seen: Will & Grace

If your dentist's office is closed, you have no household pliers, nor a friend to stomp your face against the curb, there's an alternative. Hold the affected tooth against the speaker of your television while the Falsetto brothers here whine on about "love" and "engagements" and "romance." Plink ! That tooth won't bother you again.

Ad: Quizno's subs

Where seen: Fear Factor, Ultimate Fighter, The Daily Show

This barfer for Quizno's shows a woman in a bikini flirting with a toddler who has the voice of a frat boy. Mmmmm hmmm. Because that's what I want associated with my sandwiches, a sexualized infant.

Ad: Animated bears crapping in the woods

Where seen: Oprah, Dr. Phil, Lifetime

Isn't it adorable how that watercolor bear squats in the sparsely illustrated forest to uh... he's what? He's crapping? Oh, ho ho ho! That's gross!

Ad: Cox

Where seen: Chasing satellite company dollars

My kingdom for whoever brings me the bloodied blue sweater of "Digital Max."

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