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Someone sang Madonna's "Like a Virgin," and Madonna jokes were told for the next 10 minutes. One woman asked if there were any Gwen Stefani songs. The girl with the book said, "Who is that?"

A few women sang "I Will Survive." They sounded great. A guy who got drunk later in the evening didn't sound as good singing it (I thought he'd try it the way Cake covered it, but he basically slurred all the words and danced around like a shaman).

I went on the back patio, which was really long and narrow, but without a lot of space. There were a few people smoking. I pulled out a cigar, but the second I got it lit, drizzle fell. Someone said, "Maybe God is trying to tell you that those things stink."

Carrie O'Connell came outside and we had a great conversation. She recently moved into Eli's place. I asked if it would be a problem having a male roommate. She said, "I thought Eli was gay, at first. He's not. He's really cool, so everything will be fine." I told her I didn't want to waste my cigar, so she suggested I smoke it in her room.

I went in there and commented on the great books she had. I pulled out Catch-22 and she said, "That's where the phrase came from." I couldn't believe she had such a fine book collection but such a horrible CD collection. It was filled with lots of country, and lots of Dave Mathews.

I told her I had met her sister outside. Her sister is getting a boob job next month, and I tried to talk her out of it. I said, "You're cute. Why do you think guys need a woman with big breasts? You look fine the way you are." Carrie laughed and said, "She can have mine. I'm tired of 'em."

Carrie comes from an Irish-Catholic family and has eight brothers and sisters. She has been step dancing since she was nine. And one of her co-workers told me, "Last week, we made her dance for us. She didn't want to. She finally did and was amazing."

I talked to an African-American woman named Kim. She spent two months in Australia and now works from her home. She had a lot of interesting stories, and kept telling me she wasn't going to stay long, because she was going to a birthday party/wine tasting in the morning. She didn't have a gift, and I told her she should get the Sideways DVD (since it was a wine-themed movie).

I heard her tell a few others she would be leaving soon, but she was there the entire night. She licked Brett's head at one point and said, "I've licked many bald heads in my day." I asked what it tasted like and she said, "It was good, like a salty melon."

I went back outside where there was a girl who looked like Hilary Swank. There seems to be one at every party I go to these days. She said, "You're from the Reader? They've written about me a few times. I was in a band called Sought Out. I was the bass player and singer." She tells me they were a Christian rock band. After she continued to curse and chug beer, I asked about her Christianity. And she had some interesting takes on religion.

A tall red-headed woman named Jacyn said, "You are the party guy and you don't have a drink in your hand." She made me a 7&7, and whenever I finished one, she'd make me another. One time my cup emptied and I looked for her. She was with a good-looking guy in the kitchen. I said, "What's up with my drinks?" She immediately started to make me another one. I said, "I'm joking. You don't have to." She said, "I'm so excited. I met that guy over there and his name is Jason. How weird is that?" I replied, "It's not weird that his name is Jason. It's weird that yours is. What would really be weird is if you both had the same astrological sign." She then asked his sign and couldn't believe it was the same. When they pulled out drivers licenses, it turns out their birthdays were the exact same day -- April 14, 1977.

I was talking to two Asian guys who were kind of quiet. Carrie's sister came over and said, "Are you guys into racing, too? Race cars suck. What a dumb hobby." I asked, "What hobbies do you have?" She took a drag from her cigarette and said "Fucking." She then told me she played basketball, and when I said I did also, she challenged me to a game. She said, "I will kill you on the court." We were going to go find a court, because she was so cocky I wanted to shut her up. And the idea of a woman beating me at basketball still makes me laugh (save your letters, women; I've seen WNBA games).

I went back into Carrie's room to finish my cigar. Eli came in saying, "I thought you left." He grabbed my cigar and starting puffing away. He said, "Why are you staying in here?" I said, "I can smoke in here. And it's in Carrie's bedroom. Who wouldn't want to be here?" He laughed and said it was okay to smoke in the living room, so I went out there. But when Eli started singing a Billy Idol tune, I quickly headed to the kitchen.

Someone in the kitchen said, "We can really get loud at this party. There's a psychiatrist that lives upstairs, and he's never home during the weekend. A lawyer lives next door, but he's only here on weekends. And there's a canyon in the back."

One guy came into the kitchen for a beer and said, "It smells like feet in here. Why are there 10 of you jammed into the kitchen?"

There was a cute blonde girl that reminded me of someone named Sara Pitts from my high school days. She had a few interesting stories, but I couldn't figure out her boyfriend. He looked like Stiffler from the American Pie movies. When I told him that, he laughed and said he's heard that before. He was wearing a shirt that said "I Love Strippers."

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